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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The obesity rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many developed countries. discuss some possible reasons for this problem and suggest solutions.

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Introduction
Nowadays, the rate of obesity has increased. So, what is the reason? I will discuss
this
Linking Words
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Body paragraph 1
This
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 case is probably done because
this
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 generation usually sits down and doesn'
t
Use synonyms
 do any exercise or play any physical games. I mean , the reason is that they are always eating
while
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 sitting down, the result will be bad and dangerous in some situations because they aren'
t
Use synonyms
 warming up and losing calories.
Body paragraph 2
Another reason is maybe genetics. Let me make it clear. If their genetics are contributing to obesity , but it isn'
t
Use synonyms
 an excuse , because they can go to the gym , or they can
also
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 do exercises at home.
Furthermore
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, just ten minutes at least are enough to make a healthy habit, even though you have maybe hard work or you need to study, it is only ten minutes , you will not lose anything if you do it.
Body paragraph 3
I think there are many solutions for that situation. First resolution is going to the gym
that is
Linking Words
 simple.
Body paragraph 4
On the other hand
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, doing exercises at home if you don'
t
Use synonyms
 have time to go to the gym , or you don'
t
Use synonyms
 have enough time.
Second,
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just walking in the park , and
this
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 solution has another benefit, that you can be interested in seeing the natural environment. I hope that these things can help any situation ,
for example
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, anyone who is busy or anyone who does not have enough money.
Body paragraph 5
Overall
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, it's easy to maintain a healthy body, but
this
Linking Words
 generation makes it harder for themselves.
Conclusion
In conclusion. I hope that you are interested and benefited.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Give clear reasons for teen obesity, such as too much fast food, large meals, sweet drinks, screen time, and less sport. Then give linked answers, such as healthy school meals, limits on ads for junk food, and more sport at school.
task response
Focus on teenagers and developed countries. Much of the essay says “this generation”, but it should explain why teenagers are at risk and what parents, schools, and the state can do.
task response
Develop each main idea with a short example. For example: “Many teenagers spend hours on phones after school, so they burn fewer calories. Schools can offer free sports clubs after class.”
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction; reasons; solutions; conclusion. Put the two reasons together in one body part and the solutions together in the next body part.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with one clear main idea. Avoid very short parts such as “First resolution is going to the gym that is simple.” Explain why the idea works and who can help.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way: “First”, “Another reason”, “As a result”, “To solve this”, and “In conclusion”. Do not repeat “or you do not have enough time” in the same sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending clear and formal. Do not write “I hope that you are interested and benefited.” Instead, briefly restate the main reasons and answers.
task response
You give two useful ideas: little exercise and family genes. You also suggest home exercise and walking, which are relevant answers.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an opening, main paragraphs, and an ending. Words such as “Another reason”, “Furthermore”, and “Overall” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dramatically
  • prevalence
  • addictive
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • gadgets
  • exertion
  • awareness
  • balanced diet
  • incorporate
  • nutritional education
  • facilitating
  • impose
  • regulations
  • restricting
  • promote
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