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Writing Samples
Band 7

In the future, the main resean for going to shoping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree.

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Introduction
It is thought that, in the future,
people
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 will mainly
visit
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 shopping
malls
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 for entertainment rather than shopping. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view because many shoppers prefer to see products in
person
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 and try them before buying them.
Body paragraph 1
One important reason why I disagree with
this
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 view is that many shoppers prefer to examine products and check their quality before buying them, particularly expensive items
such
Linking Words
 as watches and jewellery.
This
Linking Words
 is because they are spending a large amount of money and want to be sure that the products are worth the price.
For example
Linking Words
, someone buying an expensive watch may want to try it on and examine its materials in
person
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. Shopping
malls
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 allow customers to do
this
Linking Words
, which gives them a reason to
visit
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 mainly for shopping.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
people
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visit
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malls
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 for entertainment,
such
Linking Words
 as having coffee with friends or relatives or taking their children to play. They prefer to shop online because they find it less stressful and better suited to their busy lifestyles. They often have little time to
visit
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 stores and buy what they need in
person
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, they shop online and reserve their visits to
malls
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 for leisure activities or meeting friends.
However
Linking Words
, leisure activities can remain an extra part of a shopping trip
:
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
 customers may go to a mall to buy what they need and
then
Linking Words
 have coffee or meet friends afterwards.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that
people
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 will continue to
visit
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malls
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 to shop
rather
Punctuation problem
, rather
show examples
 than mainly for entertainment, because many will want to check the quality of items in
person
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 before purchasing them.
Although
Linking Words
 some
people
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 see
malls
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 as places for leisure rather than shopping, in-
person
Use synonyms
 shopping will not die out and will always have its place in our communities.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same. To make it stronger, explain more fully why seeing and trying things will still be more important than fun for most mall visits in the future.
task response
The watch example is clear and fits your main point. Add one more short example, such as clothes, shoes, or phones, to show that this is true for more than one kind of thing.
task response
The other side is handled well, but it takes a large part of the essay. Give a little more space to your own side, so your disagreement feels more forceful.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: opening, two main parts, and ending. Each paragraph has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer link at the start of the second body paragraph. For example: “It is true that some people may go to malls for fun.” This will make the change to the other view feel smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat near the end, such as shopping in person and leisure visits. Make the last paragraph shorter and focus only on your final reason and view.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear view: malls will still be used mainly for shopping.
task response
Your reason about people wanting to check quality before they buy costly things is clear, useful, and well explained.
coherence and cohesion
The linking words, such as “On the other hand”, “As a result”, and “However”, help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly brings back your main view and gives the essay a complete finish.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • relying heavily on
  • transforming
  • consumer behavior
  • shift
  • virtual
  • convenience
  • brick-and-mortar stores
  • retail landscape
  • evolving
  • diversifying
  • leisure activities
  • amenities
  • socializing
  • shopaholic
  • impulse buying
  • concessions
  • window shopping
  • consumer preferences
  • entertainment options
  • browse
  • e-commerce
  • online retailers
  • convenient
  • carousel
  • movie theater
  • food court
  • bowling alley
  • arcade
  • play area
  • shopping spree
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