IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people decide to eat healthy food and exercise regularly. What are the reasons for this trend? What can be done to encorage more people to eat healther and exercise?

5.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
The trend of staying fit in the world is at
peak
Correct determiner usage
its peak
show examples
 at
this
Linking Words
 time. An increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 are choosing a habit of eating healthy
food
Use synonyms
 and working out regularly.
This
Linking Words
 positive change in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society must retain its popularity , and there's more to be done to encourage more
people
Use synonyms
 to join
this
Linking Words
 club.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the internet has brought many advantages to the public. One of them is 'social media',
people
Use synonyms
 follow their favourite film stars, singers, athletes and experts on platforms like Twitter and Instagram. All these famous personalities share knowledge, updates and glimpses of their personal lives. But they have one common feature,
'
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 to be the best in their field and look good in a camera
'
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 started a trend and awareness to their fans and the general public as well to follow the routine of these famous personalities to look appealing and stay in shape. Almost every famous individual has the best nutritionist and trainer to achieve their potential, who provides easy tips to fans to be more like them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many studies have been conducted on nutrition, building muscles and fitness routines to reach the maximum potential of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 human body. Data simplifies what brings more effectiveness with less effort to get desirable results in a short time.
Body paragraph 2
Additionally
Linking Words
, the governments are constantly pushing the agenda of spreading knowledge on eating habits and promoting the importance of exercising daily.
This
Linking Words
 change provides relief to the nations by lowering the medical bills and healthy young workforce to excel in the future. Countries are putting their best efforts into mentioning the benefits and drawbacks of
food
Use synonyms
 on the labels, that simplfies the choices of eating good to the public.
Body paragraph 3
Perhaps, there is more to be done to make these changes a habit , but not only a trend. The aspects of living a healthy lifestyle should not be expensive
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 be easily accessible to all. To explain, good
food
Use synonyms
 and a training environment are getting expensive and not a cup of tea anymore for most
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. As private fitness facilities and organic
food
Use synonyms
 are costly , and there is a limited number of parks, stadiums and gym centres funded by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 makes them crowded and unorganised.
This
Linking Words
 leaves no choice to community
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to give up either on their dreams or their savings. These factors should be a lifestyle for everyone , not a luxury for some.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, there is no doubt that
people
Use synonyms
 are becoming more and more conscious about their eating habits and fitness.
This
Linking Words
 brings many positives to society , but the government should put more effort into making it available to everyone by opening up more public parks and gyms.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You answer both parts of the task. To make your answer stronger, give a clear reason for each main point and explain it more fully. For example, say how social media, health news, and fear of illness lead people to change what they eat and how they live.
task response
Your ideas are mostly clear, but some are too wide. The point about famous people could be more direct: people copy their food and exercise plans because they want to look and feel like them. Add one short real-life example instead of several general claims.
task response
For the second part, give more than one clear action. You mention public parks and gyms well. You could also add lower prices for healthy food, school health lessons, and simple health ads from the government.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, main parts, and end. Use topic sentences that show the purpose of each paragraph more clearly. For example: “One main reason is the strong effect of social media.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and hold many ideas. Break them into shorter sentences. This will make your meaning easier to follow and your main ideas easier to see.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, and “However” can help show the link between ideas. Do not use a link word if the next idea is not a result of the last one.
task response
You cover both the reasons for the trend and ways to help more people live in a healthy way.
task response
Your point that healthy food and exercise places should be open to all people is clear and useful.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow: reasons first, then actions, then a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending returns to the main point and gives a clear final action for the government.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: