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Band 7

All university undergraduate courses should include a period of time spent studying abroad or doing a work placement. Do you think the advantages of this would outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
There is an ongoing debate about whether all university undergraduate
students
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 should have opportunities to study abroad or do a
work
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 placement. I believe that the advantages of studying abroad and doing
work
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placements
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 outweigh the disadvantages.
Body paragraph 1
First of all,
students
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 can benefit from studying abroad because
this
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 gives them opportunities to learn about different social customs and understand how to respect other cultures.
For instance
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, people should avoid serving pork to Muslim guests because pork is forbidden in Islam.
Therefore
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, when
students
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 develop greater cultural awareness, they tend to show more respect for others.
However
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, studying abroad may increase
students
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' financial burden because they need to pay for additional accommodation and living expenses.
Nevertheless
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, many universities provide scholarships or financial support for
students
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, which can greatly reduce their financial burden.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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, doing a
work
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 placement is beneficial for
students
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 because they can apply the skills they learned at school to the workplace. Over time, they may become more confident in their professional abilities before graduating.
In addition
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,
students
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 can gain a deeper understanding of the workplace where they may
work
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 in the
future
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.
This
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 experience can help them decide on their
future
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 career paths.
On the other hand
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, doing a
work
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 placement may increase
students
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' academic pressure because they have to complete assignments related to their internships and keep up with their studies at the same time.
As a result
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, they may find it difficult to balance their studies and
work
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placements
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.
However
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, the practical experience
students
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 gain from
work
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placements
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 is valuable for their
future
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 career development.
Conclusion
Overall
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,
although
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 studying abroad and doing
work
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placements
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 bring challenges for
students
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,
such
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 as a financial burden and academic pressure, I still believe that the advantages of these experiences outweigh the disadvantages. These practical experiences can help
students
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 develop cultural awareness, gain practical skills and prepare for their
future
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 careers.

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task response
Make your main view even more direct. Say that these two things should be part of every course, not only that they are good for students.
task response
Give more detail about why the good points are stronger than the bad points. For example, explain how work skills can help students get a job after university.
task response
Your example about pork shows cultural care, but it is quite narrow. Add a more general example of how living in another country can change a student's way of thinking or work with other people.
task response
The essay talks about study abroad and work placement well, but it could say more about courses where one choice may fit better than the other.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: opening, study abroad, work placement, and ending. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Use links with more care. The word 'However' starts a new bad point, but 'Nevertheless' then gives an answer to it. This is clear, yet you can make the link stronger by saying why support makes the cost less serious.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat near the end, such as future career help. You can make the last part shorter and use that space to add one new reason or example.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between sentences in the work-placement paragraph more exact. For example, show that using school skills at work leads to more trust in their own ability, then to better career choices.
task response
You answer the full question and give a clear view from the start to the end.
task response
You include both good and bad sides, then explain why the good sides are more important.
task response
Your points are useful and on topic: culture, work skills, career choice, cost, and study pressure.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one clear focus, so the reader can follow your ideas easily.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending match well and clearly state your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple linking words well, such as 'First of all', 'Moreover', 'For instance', and 'Overall'.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • study abroad
  • work placement
  • real-world experience
  • practical skills
  • academic knowledge
  • open-minded
  • independent
  • self-confidence
  • adapt to change
  • career chances
  • cultural understanding
  • language skills
  • financial cost
  • family responsibilities
  • compulsory
  • flexible choice
  • personal growth
  • hands-on learning
  • future employer
  • equal opportunity
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