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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think competitive sports, such as football, are valuable because they can gather people with different ages and culture together. Some think it can cause problems because people are from different groups and countries. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
It is often contended that competitive
sports
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 can connect
people
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with
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of
show examples
 different ages and backgrounds,
while
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 some believe
sports
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 can engender
conflicts
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 because of their cultural and nationality differences.
While
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conflicts
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 may have a negative effect, in my view, opportunities to interact with
a
Correct article usage
apply
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different
kind
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kinds
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 of
people
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, provided by these
sports
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, are valuable in the long run.
Body paragraph 1
Connecting with diverse
people
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 broadens individuals' perspectives. Talking with
people
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 rooting for the same football team,
for example
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, could be an opportunity to share different reasons to cheer and personal views about future prospects
on
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for
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this
Linking Words
 team. Through
this
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 experience,
people
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 can learn different ways of thinking, which could make it easier to become more open to other cultures and mindsets. These
sports
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,
therefore
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, help develop to cultivate cross-cultural understanding.
Body paragraph 2
In contrast
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, these
sports
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 may cause
conflicts
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 between rival groups of
supporters
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. The result of an important match can significantly affect a
sport
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sports
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 team's future or reputation. A championship final,
for instance
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,
galvanizes
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galvanises
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 audiences, sometimes leading to fights between rival fans
from an
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due to
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 ambiguous judging or unsportsmanlike conduct.
Moreover
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, some
supporters
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 might
inflamate
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inflame
 rival
supporters
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, using indecent words and profanities.
Consequently
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, these
sports
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 occasionally increase hostility between groups of
supporters
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 and cause unnecessary fights.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 it is important to be mindful and take precautions for strong
conflicts
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 between rival teams and
contrive
Verb problem
to contrive
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 some solutions, competitive
sports
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 are precious for connecting cultures and values among
people
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 from different backgrounds.

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task response
You answer both views and give a clear opinion. To make your ideas stronger, explain more clearly why meeting fans from other places can lead to better understanding outside sport.
task response
Your first main idea is useful, but one sentence is unclear: “These sports, therefore, help develop to cultivate cross-cultural understanding.” Write: “These sports can help people develop cross-cultural understanding.”
task response
Your example about fans of the same team is relevant. Add one more real result, such as people making friends, learning about food or customs, or working together after a game.
task response
The conflict paragraph is clear. However, “an ambiguous judging” is not natural. Use “a poor decision by the referee” or “a decision that fans think is unfair.”
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, one paragraph for each view, and conclusion. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links inside the first body paragraph. For example: “First,” “As a result,” and “For this reason” can show how each idea follows the last one.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph more direct. Instead of “contrive some solutions,” write “find ways to prevent fights.” This is clearer and easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word choices that can slow the reader. For example, write “a sports team,” not “a sport team,” and “make supporters angry,” not “inflame rival supporters.”
task response
You discuss the good side and the bad side of competitive sport, and your own view is clear from the start to the end.
task response
The football examples fit the topic well and help show both friendship and conflict.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main point, so the reader can follow your argument easily.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of “In contrast,” “Moreover,” “Consequently,” and “In conclusion” helps show the links between ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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