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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
Saving finances for
incoming
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 days
is
Rephrase
ahead is
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mandaory
Correct your spelling
mandatory
 for
people
Use synonyms
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 youth
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well.
People
Use synonyms
 must develop the habit of collecting
money
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 because, ultimately, it will benefit them
on
Rephrase
to a
 greater extent. I
stongly
Correct your spelling
strongly
 agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it allows
people
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 to make futuristic investments and
prepares
Wrong verb form
prepare
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 for uncertain situations.
Body paragraph 1
The first most argued point is that, by saving some amount of
money
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 can invest in greater projects. Take the case of a university student as an example, if he regularly stores a portion of his pocket
money
Use synonyms
, he will be able to pay his fees without
being worry
Wrong verb form
worrying
show examples
 about it.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are different ways for savings exist today,
people
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 can use bank accounts and
lockups
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lockers
show examples
 in
home
Rephrase
their homes
 as well.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the saved amount of
money
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 helps youngsters, in
begining
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beginning
 the
working
Replace the word
work
 on
new
Add an article
a new
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 business idea, and eventually can give rise to
entreprenuers
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entrepreneurs
.
Linking Words
likewise
Capitalize the word
Likewise
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, whether the professionals, students or
house wives
Correct your spelling
housewives
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 are habitual of savings, they are more likely to get chances for making huge investments in the form of buying land, purchasing furniture and running a
start up
Correct your spelling
start-up
.
Body paragraph 2
Other
Correct determiner usage
Another
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 largely underlying factor is that,
doing
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by doing
show examples
 so, the adults can prepare themselves for future unexpected situations.
For instance
Linking Words
, if an employee got
himslef
Correct your spelling
himself
 terminated from the job, with saved finances, he can survive some commencing months without overthinking. In
this
Linking Words
 way, it can
prevents
Wrong verb form
prevent
show examples
 individuals from mental illness and huge pressure
for
Change preposition
due to
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 the shortage of
money
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. So,
that is
Linking Words
 critical for alerting
people
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 about bad times because we are living in
changing
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a changing
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 world, where inflation rates, poverty and
unemployement is
Rephrase
unemployment are
 clearly visible.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I would like to state that the public should be able to face difficult times, and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
the solution is hidden in collecting the
money
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 for uncertain complications of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life.
Also
Linking Words
, it allows for taking innovative steps in the form of investing for the future.
Hence
Linking Words
,
phenomenon
Add an article
the phenomenon
show examples
 of saving
money
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 is crucial for humans.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that young people should save money. Keep this clear view from the start to the end.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. Explain how saving can help with study, a new business, job loss, or a rise in prices. Some examples are useful, but make them more real and direct.
task response
Be careful with the student example. Saving pocket money may not be enough to pay all university fees. You could say it can help pay for books, travel, or part of the fees.
task response
Avoid very broad lists, such as land, furniture, and a start-up, in one sentence. Choose one or two ideas and explain them well.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each body part simple and clear. Then give one reason, one example, and one short result. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “also”, “for example”, “as a result”, and “however” can help. Do not begin too many sentences with “Moreover” or “In addition”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and hold many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences. This will make the meaning clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words for key ideas. For example, mainly use “save money” instead of changing to “collecting money”, “stored money”, and “saved finances”.
task response
You answer the question directly and give two relevant reasons: future plans and hard times.
task response
The job-loss example is relevant and clearly shows why saved money can be helpful.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction gives a clear main view, and your conclusion returns to the same main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The body parts are in a sensible order: first future plans, then unexpected problems.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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