IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people in cities live alone or in small family units instead of with extended family. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?"

5.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In modern society, life has changed a great deal, especially in cities.
This
Linking Words
 includes small family units and large family units. Recently, some people often believe that they should live alone.
However
Linking Words
, others believe that the opposite idea is a complex issue, which can create many problems.
Thus
Linking Words
, both views have significant points. I personally argue that the advantages are stronger than the disadvantages.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide key information to explore the topic.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, living alone offers several significant advantages, which are supported by primary research.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 many positive reasons.
First,
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 lifestyle maintains personal freedom.
In other words
Linking Words
, if people live in a small family, it makes them free. The security room is a prime example.
In addition
Linking Words
, the community should have a small room to read, talk and walk.
Consequently
Linking Words
, society becomes more comfortable and free.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, numerous disadvantages can arise from
this
Linking Words
 situation. Looking at the secondary view, a large number of negative reasons exist.
For instance
Linking Words
, individuals often become uncomfortable, creating many problems,
such
Linking Words
 as family issues.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 makes daily life more difficult.
Conclusion
In conclusion, balancing these factors reveals many significant benefits, which can generate a real change.
However
Linking Words
, there are major drawbacks, which can make a negative impact.
Thus
Linking Words
, the government recommends people follow the right tips for a positive result and a better life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that the benefits are more effective than the drawbacks.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
Give a clear answer in the first paragraph: say if this change is mainly good or mainly bad. Keep the same view in every paragraph.
Task response
Develop each main point. For example, living alone may give people more control of their time, but it may also make some people feel alone. Explain why each point matters.
Task response
Use real and clear examples. The example about a “security room” is not clear and does not show why small families are good. Use an example about a young worker, an old parent, or child care.
Task response
Focus on the exact topic: living alone or in small family groups instead of with a wider family. Do not add ideas about rooms and community places unless they clearly support your point.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and an ending. This is a good basic plan. However, make the topic sentence of each body paragraph state one clear reason.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences do not connect well. For example, “This is due to many positive reasons” does not add a new idea. Replace such lines with direct explanation and an example.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” are useful, but the ideas after them need to be clear and fully explained.
Coherence and cohesion
Write a shorter, clearer ending. Restate your view and give the two main reasons. Do not add a new idea about what the government should tell people to do.
Task response
You give your own view and say that the good sides are stronger than the bad sides.
Task response
You try to discuss both sides of the issue, which is important for this question.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a clear overall order: opening, good side, bad side, and ending.
Coherence and cohesion
You use some signpost words, such as “First”, “For instance”, and “As a result”, to guide the reader.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: