IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Fresh water has always been a limited resource in some parts of the world. Today, however, growing worldwide demand has made this a global problem. What are the causes of the increased demand and what measure could governments and individuals take to respond to this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
The issue of fresh
water
Use synonyms
 has always been a limited
resource
Use synonyms
 in some parts of the world has been the subject of considerable debate
recent
Change preposition
in recent
show examples
 years. It is widely
believe
Wrong verb form
believed
show examples
 that growing worldwide demand has made
this
Linking Words
 a global problem.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore the main causes of increased demand and what
measure could governments and
Correct word order
measures governments and individuals could
show examples
individuals
Use synonyms
 take to respond to
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Body paragraph 1
One major cause of increased demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 fresh
water
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 has always been
limited
Add an article
a limited
show examples
resource
Use synonyms
 in some parts of the
world
Punctuation problem
world,
show examples
 is that
individuals
Use synonyms
 are using fresh
water
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 for unimportant things.
For instance
Linking Words
, if teenagers always play
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 fresh
water
Use synonyms
 with each other, they can play
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 anything
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as video games and digital technologies.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, another cause of fresh
water
Use synonyms
 been limited
resource
Use synonyms
 is that many
individuals
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 do not pay attention
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 losing a huge amount of
fresh
Rephrase
freshwater in
water
Use synonyms
 their houses.
Body paragraph 2
One solution that governments and
individuals
Use synonyms
 should take to
responed
Correct your spelling
respond
 to
this
Linking Words
 problem is that the government should introduce legal
reqiurments
Correct your spelling
requirements
 for concentrating on using fresh
water
Use synonyms
cerfully
Correct your spelling
carefully
, which would help by reducing the number of teenagers who play
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 fresh
water
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, introducing laws for using fresh
water
Use synonyms
cerfully
Correct your spelling
carefully
 not only
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 the number of teenagers who play
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 fresh
water
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, but it
also
Linking Words
 can make
individuals
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 focus on their fresh
water
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 in their houses.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, fresh
water
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being
Punctuation problem
, being
show examples
 a limited
resource
Use synonyms
 in some parts of the
world
Punctuation problem
world,
show examples
 is a pressing issue in recent years. By introducing laws for using fresh
water
Use synonyms
cerfully
Correct your spelling
carefully
, we can address the root causes and work towards a better outcome.

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Task response
Answer both parts with equal care. Explain more than one cause, such as more people, more farms, and more water use at home. Then give clear steps for both the state and people.
Task response
Your main cause about teens playing with water is too small for a world problem. Use larger causes and explain how each one raises water use.
Task response
Give real and clear examples. For example, farms need large amounts of water for food, and cities need more water as their size grows.
Task response
Make your ideas more full. Explain how laws, water meters, fixing old pipes, and public teaching can save water.
Coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: start, causes, ways to help, and end. Put all causes in one part and all ways to help in the next part.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph about one main idea. Begin with a clear first line, explain the idea, and then add an example.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show the order of ideas: First, Also, For example, As a result, and In the end. Do not repeat the same point about teens in many lines.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. Say “fresh water” or “water” rather than long repeated phrases about water being limited in some parts of the world.
Task response
You answer both the causes and the ways to help, so the essay stays on the main subject.
Task response
You give a clear idea that people can waste water at home, and you suggest laws as one way to help.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a start, two main body parts, and an end, which makes the overall shape easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For instance”, “Furthermore”, and “To sum up” help show the move from one idea to the next.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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