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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people prefer Some people prefer to be self-employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both approaches Which is a better approach?

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Introduction
It is often argued that self-employment is one of the most demanding career opportunities.
While
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 others prefer working for companies.
Although
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 running one's own
business
Use synonyms
 has some benefits, I firmly opine that working for the organisation is better for individuals because it protects them from financial losses and provides a more stress-free lifestyle.
Body paragraph 1
The main advantage of working as
employees
Use synonyms
 for another institution is that people do not suffer from financial constraints. Even though the organization lose their
business
Use synonyms
due to
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 the unforeseen circumstances.
For example
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, the
business
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 of the Tata company of India was shut down
due to
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 poor sales, and the concerned
employees
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 were benefited with the pension schemes rather than struggling with their mental health.
As a result
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,
employees
Use synonyms
 can lead their lives with positive attitudes, and can
also
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 alter their jobs frequently if they are not satisfied with their working conditions.
Body paragraph 2
Another significant benefit is that the masses enjoy their own job position without taking the
overall
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 workload responsibility of an organisation, as they barely work in exchange for a competitive salary,
whereas
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 the company's owners have lots of responsibilities, including financial planning, staff management and
business
Use synonyms
 operations.
Consequently
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, staff can experience less work-related stress and maintain a healthier work-life balance.
Body paragraph 3
However
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, there are certain drawbacks if the
employees
Use synonyms
 work at the firm rather than their own work. They encounter several issues ,
such
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 as flexibility, schedule variations, and discrimination. Since workers have to follow the rules and regulations of the company without any preference.
Therefore
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, they feel exhausted and uncomfortable with the working conditions.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 running one's own
business
Use synonyms
 has certain benefits, I firmly believe that its disadvantages outweigh its advantages.
This
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 is because self-employment involves considerable financial risks and greater responsibilities,
whereas
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 working for an established organisation provides financial security, a regular income and a less stressful lifestyle.

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task response
Discuss both sides more fully. You explain the good and bad points of company work well, but the good points of being self-employed are mostly missing. Add ideas such as freedom, choice of work, and the chance to earn more.
task response
Make your answer to the final question more direct. State clearly that company work is better for most people, then explain when self-employment may still be the better choice.
task response
Use a more realistic example. The Tata example is not clear and may not be true. A simple general example, such as a worker who still gets a set pay when sales fall, would support your point better.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, main paragraphs, and ending. Keep this plan, but give one full paragraph to self-employment and one full paragraph to company work so both approaches get equal attention.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main paragraph with a clear main idea. For example: “Working for a company gives people a more stable income.” Then explain this idea and give one short example.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not clear. “However” begins a paragraph about the bad side of company work, but the earlier paragraph already compares workers with owners. Make the change of idea clearer: “On the other hand, company work can have some limits.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear or weak phrases such as “the masses,” “their own work,” and “barely work.” Use direct words: “workers,” “self-employment,” and “do not have to manage the whole business.”
task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep the same view in the ending: company work is safer and less stressful.
task response
Your main ideas about steady pay, lower risk, and less responsibility are relevant to the question.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful linking words, such as “For example,” “As a result,” “Consequently,” and “However.”
Topic Vocabulary:
  • autonomy
  • benefits
  • career progression
  • flexible schedule
  • financial planning
  • entrepreneurial
  • job security
  • networking opportunities
  • work-life balance
  • unpredictable income
  • self-discipline
  • risk tolerance
  • employee benefits
  • corporate ladder
  • professional development
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