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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.

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The graph below shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.
The bar chart illustrates the comparison between various types of transport use for travel and work in one European city from 1960,1980 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, since
1960
Punctuation problem
1960,
show examples
 the tendency changed completely,
along with
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 greatest figure recorded throughout
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
 was by
car
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the smallest one
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 on the bike and
car
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1960
the
Rephrase
,
 walking was the most popular trend for the residents with 35 per cent,
following
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
 by
second
Add an article
the second
show examples
 highest object that year
by
Change preposition
, with
show examples
 bicycle users
24
Change preposition
at 24
show examples
 per cent.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, public bus tantamount to 20% and
car
Use synonyms
 tent to be the lowest
just
Punctuation problem
, just
show examples
 above 5%.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in 1980 the foot, bike and
car
Use synonyms
 decreased to 10%, 22% and 25% respectively,
while
Linking Words
 the bus rose to 22 per cent.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
show examples
 bus changes moderately to 17%,
although
Linking Words
car
Use synonyms
machines
Check wording
sales
show examples
 hit the floor to more than 35%.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, foot dropped to 10% and bike
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 less than 7%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words car with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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