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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships poeple make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
In the modern world,
tecnologies
Correct your spelling
technologies
 change all aspects of everyday life. One of the things they influence the most is how
people
Use synonyms
 interact with each other.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine how technology affects the communication between individuals and prove that
this
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 is a positive development, as
people
Use synonyms
 can easily share their emotions and connect with each other in a minute, even when being on different continents.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
technologies
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 make
people
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 addicted. It influences them badly as folks' communication skills are deteriorating.
For example
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, many teenagers choose to be on their own rather than spend time with family and friends, building strong relationships.
Consequently
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, the young generation loses parents' trust and differentiates from them in a very important period of their
life
Check wording
lives
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.
However
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, using modern
technologies
Use synonyms
, they can talk to relatives and friends from other countries, and discover themselves via blogging or streaming.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
technologies
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 transform how
people
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 interact. It is important, as
people
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 can easily share emotions and build long-distance relationships.
For instance
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, many young couples use
technologies
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 when one of the partners has to be apart
due to
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 various reasons,
such
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 as studying or working.
Consequently
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, their relationships exist mostly because of the
technologies
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, and they can work on becoming closer to each other even when being apart.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, the world transforms rapidly every day, and,
as a result
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, the ways in which
people
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 interact with each other transform too.
While
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 I understand the worries of some
people
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 that modern
technologies
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 can be harmful for clear communication, I have a belief that they help
people
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 to share emotions and talk to each other
no
Punctuation problem
, no
show examples
 matter the distance between them.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task: you show how technology changes relationships, and you give a clear positive view. To make your answer stronger, explain more types of relationships, such as family, friends, work groups, and new online friends.
task response
Your main view is clear, but the first main paragraph partly goes against it. Make the balance clearer: say that there are risks, then explain why the good points are still stronger.
task response
Some ideas need more support. For example, explain why teenagers being online can lead to less trust with parents, and give a more real, clear example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, two main parts, and an ending. Keep each main paragraph focused on one key idea.
coherence and cohesion
The link from the first part to the second part is not fully smooth because the first part begins with a bad point but ends with a good point. Put all bad effects together, then start a new paragraph for good effects.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “However” and “Consequently” should show a clear contrast or result. In a few places, the link between the two sentences is not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “technologies” very often. You can also use “technology”, “online tools”, “social media”, or “these tools” when the meaning is clear.
task response
You give a direct answer to the main question and keep the same positive view from the opening to the ending.
task response
The example of couples who live far apart is relevant and helps show how technology can keep close relationships alive.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the ending clearly restates your view.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphing is clear, and the reader can follow the main path of your ideas.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • relationship
  • technology
  • online
  • offline
  • contact
  • communication
  • connect
  • reach
  • family
  • friends
  • dating
  • apps
  • privacy
  • bullying
  • support
  • distance
  • long-distance
  • face-to-face
  • trust
  • misunderstanding
  • tone
  • nonverbal
  • depth
  • quality
  • positive
  • negative
  • balance
  • network
  • community
  • group
  • interaction
  • mobile
  • mobility
  • information
  • care
  • share
  • together
  • engine
What to do next:
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