IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. DO you agree or disagree?

7.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays, many people argue with the idea of giving a shorter working week with more days of the weekend to rest and disconnect.
This
Linking Words
 statement strongly agrees with the concept of giving workers the opportunity to have more moments to rest than the usual working days of working.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, I totally agree that everyone should have free days for themselves , but
also
Linking Words
 to take the opportunity to be with their families, without any pressure, any stress of receiving an urgent call, answering an email , or even submitting an important task.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many people tend to spend too much energy on their working life, and not enough on the rest; it is important to create a balance.
For example
Linking Words
, my uncle was the CEO of a famous company in Germany, and he did not dedicate enough time to his children; he was always in the office until very late hours. So, it led to many issues regarding their relationships , and nowadays, he feels very upset and guilty about not having spent enough time with them.
Body paragraph 2
When coming home after a long day at the office, it is essential for our human well-being to take care of ourselves, to do sports activities outside.
In addition
Linking Words
, reconnecting with nature through travelling, discovering passions, and hobbies.
For instance
Linking Words
, in France, some results of research on mental health in adult life found that, for our mental health, it is crucial to dedicate time to outside activities that have nothing to do with work.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it can lead to fewer anxiety problems and stress. I completely agree with it.
Additionally
Linking Words
, I think that every human needs to develop other passions or hobbies because our mental needs to disconnect.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that it is very important to create a balance between work and daily life, because it helps our mind and our body to have a healthy lifestyle.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main view clearer in the first paragraph. Say that you agree, and give two short reasons: more time with family and better health.
task response
Talk more about the main point of the question: a shorter working week. Your essay often talks about free time after work, which workers can have even with a normal week.
task response
Explain how one less work day may help workers and also companies. For example, workers may feel less tired and may do better work.
task response
Your examples are useful, but make the link to a longer weekend more direct. The story about your uncle shows that long work hours can hurt family life, but it does not clearly show why a shorter week is needed.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each body part begin with one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. You use “Moreover”, “In addition”, and “Furthermore” many times. Use fewer of them, and let the ideas do the work.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not full ideas. For example, “In addition, reconnecting with nature through travelling...” needs a main verb. Write: “People can also reconnect with nature by travelling...”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same point about rest, stress, and hobbies. Add a new point in the second body part, such as more sleep, less sick leave, or better work results.
task response
You give a clear view that workers need more time for rest, family, and health.
task response
The family example and the point about stress make your ideas easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has clear paragraphs and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For example” and “To conclude” help the reader follow your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: