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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that advertising has a negative effect on society because it encourages people to buy unnecessary products. Others believe that advertising provides useful information about products and services. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
There are certain people in society who claim that advertising can have adverse effects on the public by creating artificial needs,
while
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 others espouse the idea that commercials provide useful information about
products
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 and services. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss
both
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 sides of the argument and explain why I consider
both
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 views equally reasonable.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, those who oppose advertising argue that
this
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 form of marketing manipulates consumers in harmful ways. To elaborate in detail, many advertisers distort people’s perception of happiness by suggesting that buying particular
products
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 will make their lives better.
Therefore
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, children are especially vulnerable to these messages as they may struggle to distinguish genuine needs from desires created by advertisements.
For instance
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, a child repeatedly seeing an expensive toy advertised on TV may pester their parent to buy it despite already owning similar toys. If parents regularly give in to
such
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 requests, unnecessary purchases can put pressure on the family budget.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, supporters of advertising argue that it provides purchasers with useful information about
products
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 and services.
In other words
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, advertisements allow individuals to compare prices, features, and quality of different
products
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 prior to making a purchase. To exemplify, an advertisement for a smartphone may inform potential customers about its price, storage capacity, and battery life. Someone needing a phone for work can use these details to identify a model with sufficient storage and a long-lasting battery within their budget.
Therefore
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, shoppers can help enjoyers make more informed decisions and choose
products
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 suiting
both
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 their needs and budgets, rather than simply encourage unnecessary spending.
Conclusion
In conclusion, as far as I am concerned,
both
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 sides present valid points, since the former highlights how advertising can create artificial needs and encourage unnecessary spending,
while
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 the latter emphasises its role in helping buyers make informed purchasing decisions.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. To make your view stronger, say more clearly if ads do more good or more harm overall, and why.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and each one has an example. In the last part of the second body paragraph, change “shoppers can help enjoyers” to “advertising can help shoppers” or “shoppers can use this information.”
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, one paragraph for each view, and a closing paragraph. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Most links between ideas are clear. However, use “Therefore” only when the next idea is a result. In the second body paragraph, the final sentence should start with “As a result” or simply state the point directly.
coherence and cohesion
Some phrases are longer than needed, such as “To elaborate in detail” and “To exemplify.” Use simple links like “For example,” “Also,” and “As a result” for a more natural flow.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain the harm of ads, the useful side of ads, and your own view.
task response
The toy and phone examples are clear, relevant, and easy to understand. They support your main points well.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one clear main idea, followed by an explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and closing paragraphs clearly show the topic and bring the two views together.
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