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Band 6

Many students find it difficult to pay attention at school. What are the reasons for this ? What could be done to solve this problem?

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Introduction
Nowadays, a lot of
students
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 have difficulty focusing during the lecture. It can be caused by several reasons, which are boredom, poor sleep and nutrition that can have a serious impact on children's performance at
school
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.
This
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 essay will examine the causes and propose potential solutions.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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,
learning
Add an article
the learning
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 routine at
school
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 has a tendency to be repetitive at some level , as some ideas have to be taught in a series so
they
Correct pronoun usage
that students
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 will get a solid understanding.
However
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,
this
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 kind of pace has resulted in a boring situation for some kids,
hence
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 making the class less interesting. To tackle
this
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, teachers should create different methods in each stage of learning to make it more fascinating.
For example
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, the class can be started with a two-way discussion, followed by games related to the topic to make the understanding deeper, and
finally
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 it can be ended with a serious quiz to measure their comprehension.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, poor sleep is
also
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 a major cause.
This
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 obviously decreases their attention span as their brain is not in prime condition. To solve
this
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, we have to understand their routine on the night before
school
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. Parents have to strictly set their bedtime and digital screen time.
This
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 kind of habit later on does not need more monitoring as their biological clock has been developed, so
this
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 is a good investment for parents.
Lastly
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, many activities at
school
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 have to be backed by adequate nutrition.
Students
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 do not skip breakfast, which ensures they have a lot of energy during the day.
Conclusion
In summary, the lack of excitement among
students
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, lack of sleep and lack of energy in
students
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 are causing them to find it hard to focus during
school
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. To address them, teachers have to create creative ways of teaching methods
,
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apply
show examples
 and cooperation from parents at home to ensure they have sufficient rest and nutrition.

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task response
Answer both parts in full. You give clear causes and ways to help, but the point about food is not fully explained. Say how breakfast or healthy food can help children stay awake and pay attention.
task response
Develop each main idea in the same way: give the cause, explain why it leads to poor attention, and then give a clear way to solve it. This will make your ideas more complete.
task response
Your class activity example is useful. Add one short real-life example for sleep or food too, such as a child who uses a phone late at night and feels tired in class.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep one main cause and its answer together in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas, such as “As a result”, “For this reason”, and “In addition”. Do not use too many links in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the food point a full part of the essay. It now comes at the end of the sleep paragraph, so it feels less clear. Give it its own short paragraph or join it closely with the idea of energy.
coherence and cohesion
Check small wording issues that can stop the flow. For example, write “Students should not skip breakfast,” not “Students do not skip breakfast.” Also remove extra spaces before commas and words.
task response
You answer the question by giving several reasons and clear ways to help, including more active lessons and better sleep habits.
task response
The example of discussion, games, and a quiz is specific and fits your point about making lessons more interesting.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly states what the essay will do, and the ending brings the main ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “Firstly”, “Secondly”, and “In summary” makes the order of your ideas easy to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • concentration
  • attention span
  • distractions
  • technology
  • boredom
  • tiredness
  • engagement
  • learning disabilities
  • teaching techniques
  • classroom size
  • family issues
  • health problems
  • motivational strategies
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