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Band 7

In some countries, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this messages?

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Introduction
In many parts of the world, parents and teachers frequently encourage
children
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 by telling them that hard
work
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 can help them achieve any goal.
While
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this
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 message can build strong motivation and resilience, it can
also
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 create unrealistic expectations and unnecessary stress.
Body paragraph 1
There are clear benefits to teaching
children
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 that
effort
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 leads to success.
Firstly
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,
this
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 belief builds confidence and encourages a positive attitude toward challenges. When young people think that their hard
work
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 matters, they are more likely to try new things,
such
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 as learning a difficult musical instrument or studying for a tough exam, rather than giving up easily.
Secondly
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,
this
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 message teaches the value of perseverance. In real life, success rarely comes without
effort
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, so learning to stay focused and
work
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 through failures at a young age prepares
children
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 well for future university studies and careers.
Body paragraph 2
Conversely
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, telling
children
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 they can do anything if they try hard enough has some serious drawbacks. The main disadvantage is that it ignores other important factors,
such
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 as natural talent, financial support, and luck.
For example
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, a child may train very hard to become a professional athlete or a famous singer, but still fail
due to
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 physical limits or strong competition.
Furthermore
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, when
children
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 believe that
effort
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 guarantees success, they may blame themselves completely if they do not reach their goals.
This
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 can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety, and deep disappointment later in life.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 telling
children
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 that hard
work
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 can achieve anything helps develop determination and confidence, it can
also
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 cause emotional pressure when reality does not match their expectations.
Therefore
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, adults should encourage
effort
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while
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also
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 helping
children
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 set realistic goals.

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Task response
You answer both parts well. To make your ideas even stronger, explain more clearly why each good or bad point matters in a child’s later life.
Task response
Your examples are clear and on topic. Add one more real-life example, such as a child who works hard but cannot join a team because there are few places.
Task response
The ending gives a fair view. You could make the final advice more full by saying that adults should praise effort, but also teach children to change goals when needed.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, good points, bad points, and ending. This makes it easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one clear central idea. Keep this strong plan in future essays.
Coherence and cohesion
Your link words, such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “Conversely”, and “Furthermore”, work well. You can use a wider mix, for example “Also”, “However”, and “As a result”, but do not use too many.
Coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences have several ideas. Split a few of them into two shorter sentences so the main point is even easier to see.
Task response
You give a balanced answer with clear good points and bad points.
Task response
The ideas about confidence, not giving up, stress, and low self-worth are well chosen and fit the question.
Coherence and cohesion
The first paragraph clearly shows your main view and prepares the reader for both sides.
Coherence and cohesion
The topic sentences guide the reader well, especially “There are clear benefits” and “Conversely”.
Coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph brings the main ideas together and gives a useful final message.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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