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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the best way to motivate employees is to pay them more money, while others believe that other factors are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Introduction
It is argued whether the best motivation for workers is a bigger
salary
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 or other things are more essential. In my opinion, there are many options which can improve
people
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's interest in
work
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, a higher
salary
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 is a good decision, because employees will understand that the
company
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 has an interest in them , and they will try to show that they deserve the
salary
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 they are paid. Another benefit of paying
people
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 more is the fact that employees should not
be thinking
Wrong verb form
have to think
show examples
 about
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 second job to have money for living. It is beneficial for the
company
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, because the employee will focus on
work
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many ways, how to motivate workers.
For example
Linking Words
, providing them with lunches. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 do not think about where they can eat, they will concentrate on
work
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
company
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 can pay for
people
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's education, which they need to improve their
work
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 skills. In my opinion, it is a good way,because it would be beneficial both for the worker and for the
company
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. The worker becomes more educated , and it allows him to
work
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 more easily and productively , and the
company
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 get
such
Linking Words
 a good person
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, there are many benefits of both paying a bigger
salary
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 and other factors, but I strongly reaffirm that lunches and education are more essential for
people
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.

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task response
You answer both sides and give your own view. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why lunch and study help more than pay. For example, say that these things make daily work easier and help people grow in the long term.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some need more support. The point about lunch is useful, yet it is quite small. Add one real work example, such as a worker who can learn new skills because the company pays for a course.
task response
Make your final view match the whole essay. You say other things are more important, but you mainly name only lunch and education. You could also talk about good work time, praise, or a chance to move up at work.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: an opening, one paragraph for each side, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each main point start with one clear topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. "On the one hand", "On the other hand", and "Furthermore" work well. Add links that show cause, such as "As a result" and "This means that", so the reader can follow your ideas more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and join many ideas. Break them into two shorter sentences. For example: "The worker becomes more educated. As a result, he or she can work more easily and well."
coherence and cohesion
Check small grammar and word form problems, as they can make links between ideas less clear. Write "the company gets a good worker", not "the company get such a good person". Also leave one space after commas and do not put a space before them.
task response
You discuss pay and other ways to help workers, and you clearly state your own view.
task response
The ideas about not needing a second job and paying for education are useful and fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to follow, and the use of "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" clearly shows the two views.
coherence and cohesion
The ending gives a clear final view and brings the essay to a close.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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