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Band 4.5

In recent years, more universities have started offering degree programmes that students can complete entirely online, without attending classes on campus. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

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Introduction
In recent years, there has been a growing trend among universities to offer online degree programmes. Saving
people
Use synonyms
's
time
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 is a prime merit of
this
Linking Words
 shift,
while
Linking Words
 lacking face-to-face interactions
considered
Verb problem
is considered
show examples
 to be a disadvantage.
Body paragraph 1
One main benefit of
this
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 approach is that it saves
people
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time
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because many
people
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 are not fully free to attend a
university
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,
such
Linking Words
 as a full-
time
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 employee or a mother, which can be an appropriate choice for them. By offering online lessons, a person who wants to start studying at a
university
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 and does not have a lot of free
time
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 will be able to attend
lesson
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lessons
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 from home rather than attending
classes
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.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will
allows
Wrong verb form
allow
show examples
 numerous individuals to pursue their dreams and achieve a better career. To illustrate,
recent
Add an article
a recent
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 study indicates that the vast majority of
people
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 who joined online programmes
in
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at
show examples
 Yale
University
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 are employees.
Body paragraph 2
A significant drawback
behind
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of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 shift is that
people
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 will lack face-to-face interactions and friendships.
This
Linking Words
 means when students attend online
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classes
Punctuation problem
classes,
show examples
 they will not be able to engage with others because they are not in the same place.
In other words
Linking Words
, traditional
classes
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 allow students to interact with others and develop strong relationships, which happens because they are close to each other. When a student studies an online course, he is less likely to make
firendships
Correct your spelling
friendships
.
This
Linking Words
because
Verb problem
is because
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all students are studying remotely. To give a clear example, recent research highlights that
people
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 who attend
classes
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 on campus are three times more
able
Correct word choice
likely
show examples
 to make friends compared to learners who attend online
classes
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, studying without attending
university
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 can be beneficial for learners because it saves their
time
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.
However
Linking Words
, it
Linking Words
also may
Correct word order
may also
show examples
 cause
lack
Add an article
a lack
show examples
 of friendships and day-to-day meetings.

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Task response
You answer both parts of the question: one good point and one bad point. To make your ideas stronger, explain more fully how online study can help workers and parents, and how less direct contact can affect study, work, and daily life.
Task response
Your main ideas are clear, but they are quite narrow. Add another point on each side, such as lower travel cost or less help from teachers and other students. This will make the answer more complete.
Task response
Be careful with examples about Yale and research. These examples sound very exact, but no source is given. You can use a simple general example instead, such as a worker who studies after work from home.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, benefit, drawback, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make the link between each main idea and its example smoother.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and hard to follow. For example, split the sentence about a person who wants to study but has little free time into two shorter sentences.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use phrases such as “This is because”, “As a result”, and “In other words” well, but do not repeat the same pattern too often. Use simple links like “also”, “however”, and “for example” where needed.
Coherence and cohesion
Check sentence form because some errors make the meaning less clear. For example, write “attend lessons”, “this will allow”, “make friendships”, and “This is because all students study remotely.”
Task response
You directly discuss the main good point of online degrees: they save time for people with work or family duties.
Task response
You clearly explain the main bad point: students may have fewer chances to meet others and make friends.
Coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph starts with a clear main idea, so the reader can easily follow your view.
Coherence and cohesion
The conclusion gives a balanced summary of both the good and bad sides.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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