IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that the government should be responsible for public health, while others think that individuals should be responsible for their own health. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that community
health
Use synonyms
 is very important and can not be neglected.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that
country
Add an article
a country
show examples
 should be
reponsible
Correct your spelling
responsible
 to support the hospital to
provides
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 a good service, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that a person needs to maintain their
health
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will analyse
this
Linking Words
 topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, the government can
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
spend millions of dollars
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 public
health
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, treating patients is the responsibility of the state.
In addition
Linking Words
, people do not have the money for medical treatment.
For example
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 Japan,
haif
Correct your spelling
half
 of the budget is
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on the healthcare
sectore
Correct your spelling
sector
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
prevetion
Correct your spelling
prevention
 is a personal responsibility that rests with every citizen, and it is the
firest
Correct your spelling
first
 line of
defense
Change the spelling
defence
show examples
. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that prevention is
easly
Correct your spelling
easier
 than cure,
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such
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
as they do not need funds to recover from illnesses.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are foods and drinks
help
Correct pronoun usage
that help
show examples
 to
rise
Verb problem
improve
show examples
 the
healthy
Replace the word
health
 of
body
Add an article
the body
show examples
as
Rephrase
, such as
 lemon mint juice.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is a saying that goes:
prevention
Rephrase
" Prevention
 is better than cure.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 no easy answer to
this
Linking Words
 question. On balance,
however
Linking Words
, I tend to believe that treatment and
prevetion
Correct your spelling
prevention
 both contribute to improving the quality of
health
Use synonyms
 services. Both of them can
effect on
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 people`s
life
Check wording
lives
show examples
, so the
goverment work
Rephrase
government works
 every day
for developing
Wrong verb form
to develop
show examples
 public
health
Use synonyms
 and
creating a
Verb problem
improve the
show examples
 quality of life.

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Task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view, so you answer all parts of the task. However, your main view is not fully clear. Say clearly if the state, the person, or both have the main duty.
Task response
Build each main idea more. Explain why public money is needed for hospitals, doctors, and care for poor people. Then explain how people can stop health problems through food, sport, sleep, and not smoking.
Task response
Use more real and clear examples. The Japan example needs a source or more detail. Also, lemon and mint juice is too small an example for public health. Use examples like free care, health checks, or rules on smoking.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. This is a good shape. Make the first line of each body part state one clear main idea.
Coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas with clear words such as “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”. Do not use “For example” when the next line is only a saying, because it does not prove the point.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in each sentence. Some sentences are hard to follow, such as “there are foods and drinks help to rise the healthy of body”. Write short, clear sentences instead.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the ending match your view. Your last part says both sides help, but it does not say how the work should be shared. State this in one direct final sentence.
Task response
You include both the role of the state and the role of each person.
Task response
Your ideas about care for people without money and stopping illness are useful and on topic.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to see as four parts: start, first view, second view, and ending.
Coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion”.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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