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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the number of hours worked by men & women per week in Australia in 2007. Summarise information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar chart shows the number of hours worked by men & women per week in Australia in 2007. Summarise information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The figure presents how many
hours
Use synonyms
worked
Verb problem
are worked
show examples
 by
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 every week in Australia in 2007.Measured in percentage of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the most remarkable
numberIfvs
Correct your spelling
number
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 worked by
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 was during 30-50 working
hours
Use synonyms
, which
is surpassed
Wrong verb form
surpasses
show examples
 all the other points by a substantial margin.The reverse was true for the period of time 0-10
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
apply
Wrong verb form
applied
show examples
 the lowest position during the given period. In terms of leading
men
Use synonyms
 working
hours
Use synonyms
,
Men
Use synonyms
 started from 5% from 0-10
hours
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
it slightly increased to 15% during period 10 to 20
hours
Use synonyms
.After that,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 working
hours
Use synonyms
 from 30-50 had a massive increase to nearly 45%.
lastly
Linking Words
, it gently declined to 30% within 60-80
hours
Use synonyms
. Regarding
women
Use synonyms
 working
hours
Use synonyms
,
The
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 commenced working from 15% during 0-10
hours
Use synonyms
.
Next,
Linking Words
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 had a minimal growth to almost 25% from 10-20
hours
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
During
Fix capitalization
during
show examples
 working
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
 60-80 skyrocketed to 35%.
Interistingly
Correct your spelling
Interestingly
,
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 who worked over 80
hours
Use synonyms
 remained stable at 15%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, men, women with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Bar chart
  • Hours worked
  • Overall trend
  • Significant differences
  • Similarities
  • Peaks
  • Full-time
  • Part-time
  • Overtime
  • Proportion
  • Represented
  • Categories
  • Variations
  • Societal roles
  • National employment policies
  • Predominantly
  • Engaging in
  • Comparison
  • Domestic duties
  • Employment trends
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