Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

7.0 / 9

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Introduction

In the contemporary era, so many people believe that health problems are mainly caused by environmental deterioration and poor living conditions,

while

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others argue that these are affected by chronic diseases or a sedentary lifestyle. In

this

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essay, I totally agree that the administration should take some steps to tackle

this

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situation, so we can reduce the worst medical conditions.

Body paragraph 1

To begin

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with,

due to

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the increasing amount of industrial waste, many people suffer from heart disease at a young age.

While

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industrial work provides you with income to survive, it

also

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impacts your life expectancy and mental well-being.

Moreover

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, contaminated water, polluted air and industrial waste can lead to heart disease, asthma and respiratory diseases.

For example

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, working for a long time in a polluted environment can affect your lungs and lead to obesity in your body.

Body paragraph 2

Furthermore

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, poor housing facilities

also

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affect a person's capacity to tolerate the sickness.

Although

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small and congested residential facilities are affordable for the middle-class family, they

also

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lead to high chances of chronic sickness because of a lack sanitization, unhygienic water and poor ventilation. So, the government should provide cheaper health care for regular checks, so it can help to prevent long-term illness because treating health problems early is less expensive than managing advanced conditions.

For example

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, in 1996, as per the report of TOI, a woman discovered her heart disease through her regular checkup and saved her life.

Conclusion

In a nutshell, I firmly believe that governments should put some restrictions on industrial waste management and arrange better residential complexes to live in.

Also

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, they have to provide cheaper healthcare, so everyone can take advantage of the advanced facilities.

saumilbhavsar8

Nov 15, 2026

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task response

State your main view more directly. Say that you agree because clean air, clean water, and safe homes can stop many health problems before they start.

task response

Keep the focus on what the government should do. The part about cheap health care is useful, but it is less linked to pollution and housing than rules for waste, clean water, better air, and safe homes.

task response

Explain each main idea more fully. For example, say how dirty air harms the lungs, and how crowded homes can help disease spread.

task response

Use examples that clearly support your point. The 1996 story is very short and does not show why housing or pollution is the main cause. A general example about poor areas with bad water or no fresh air would fit better.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Make the link between each part clearer with simple topic sentences such as: 'First, pollution is a major cause of illness.' and 'Second, poor housing can make disease spread faster.'

coherence and cohesion

Some ideas do not connect well. For example, work income, life length, mental health, lungs, and obesity are all placed in one part. Choose one or two clear effects and explain them in order.

coherence and cohesion

Use linking words with care. 'Moreover', 'Furthermore', and 'For example' are good, but make sure the next sentence truly adds to or proves the point before it.

coherence and cohesion

Avoid unclear wording that breaks the flow. For example, replace 'affect your lungs and lead to obesity in your body' with two separate, clear ideas, or remove obesity if you do not explain the link.

task response

You give a clear opinion and keep it from the start to the end.

task response

You address both key areas in the question: pollution and housing.

coherence and cohesion

Your use of separate paragraphs makes the essay easy to follow.

coherence and cohesion

The ending returns to the main view and gives clear government actions.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

7.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

277 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

preventive healthcare
environmental regulations
respiratory diseases
public health policies
sanitation facilities
urban planning
communicable diseases
socio-economic factors
sustainable development
government intervention
healthcare infrastructure
industrial emissions
air quality index
affordable housing
mental wellbeing

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Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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