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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.

There is information that the proportion of Western fat
kids
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 has risen by 20% in the
last
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 decade.
This
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 essay will examine some primary reasons and the key drawbacks of
children
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’s overweighting
,
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apply
show examples
while
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 proposing some measures to address the consequences of
this
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 issue. The first and foremost factor in increasing the percentage of overweight
kids
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 is related to the kind of meals they eat. In the
last
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 ten years, fast foods
such
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 as Pizza have been substituted with
healthy
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a healthy
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 diet
such
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 as fish.
Furthermore
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, the employment of mothers has compelled them to provide easy-ready foods. the second factor associated with the kid's movements. Nowadays,
kids
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 spend more time playing games or watching cartoons on their tablets. Previously,
children
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 did outdoor activities
such
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 as playing with their peers, biking or swimming. Increasing the fatness in
children
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 has two main negative effects.
Firstly
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, fatness in childhood results in some major health problems in adulthood
such
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 as problems related to the heart.
Secondly
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, it will have a bad effect on the self-confidence of young people.
However
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, parents can play a crucial role in tackling
this
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 crisis. They should be concerned about their
children
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's food. In the next step, families should encourage their
children
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 to be active and regulate their
children
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’s programs.
For example
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, they can limit the time of playing games or watching TV with their
kids
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. And
instead
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 of it, register their
children
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 in sports, which need more energy. In conclusion, in Western society, the weight of
children
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 has drastically increased because of some reasons
such
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 as less movement and foods like snacks, which lead to many problems, but families would overcome
this
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 issue by limiting their
children
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 to spend more time on games or cartoons
,
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apply
show examples
 and encourage them to do sports.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, mentioning specific types of fast food or statistical data could enrich your essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly. Using a variety of cohesive devices can help your essay flow better.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the essay structure effectively.
logical structure
Good organization with clear paragraphs dedicated to causes, effects, and solutions.
task achievement
The essay addresses the causes and effects clearly, providing reasonable solutions.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 2. Screen time
  • 3. Physical activity
  • 4. Fast food consumption
  • 5. Processed foods
  • 6. Nutritional requirements
  • 7. Self-esteem
  • 8. Social isolation
  • 9. Mental health issues
  • 10. Hypertension
  • 11. Respiratory issues
  • 12. Community programs
  • 13. Educational initiatives
  • 14. Government policies
  • 15. Advertisements targeting children
  • 16. Healthy eating habits
  • 17. Subsidies for healthy foods
  • 18. Overweight prevalence
  • 19. Convenience of processed foods
  • 20. Long-term effects
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