IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#methods #today’s #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The world that we live in today is dominated by advertising.
Adverts
 are on television, on the World Wide Web,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the street and even on our mobile phones.
However
, many of the strategies used to sell a product or service can be considered immoral or unacceptable.
To begin
 with, the fact that we cannot escape from advertising is a significant cause for complaint. Constant images and signs wherever we look can be very intrusive and irritating at times. Take
for example
 advertising on the mobile phone. With the latest
technology
Add a comma
technology,
show examples
 mobile companies are now able to send advertising messages via SMS to consumers' phones whenever they choose.
Although
 we expect
adverts
 in numerous situations, it now seems that there are very few places we can actually avoid them. A
further
 aspect of advertising that I would consider unethical is the way that it encourages people to buy
products
 they may not need or cannot afford. Children and young people
Add the comma(s)
, in particular,
show examples
in particular
 are influenced by
adverts
 showing the latest toys, clothing or music and
this
 can put enormous pressure on the parents to buy these
products
.
In addition
, the advertising of tobacco
products
 and alcohol has long been a controversial issue, but cigarette
adverts
 have only recently been banned in many countries. It is quite possible that alcohol
adverts
 encourage excessive consumption and underage drinking, yet restrictions have not been placed on
this
 type of advertising in the same way as smoking. It is certainly true to say that advertising is an everyday feature of our lives.
Therefore
, people are constantly being encouraged to buy
products
 or services that might be too expensive, unnecessary or even unhealthy. In conclusion, many aspects of advertising do appear to be morally wrong and are not acceptable in today's society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
You have introduced the topic well and concluded it effectively. However, try to further improve the logical flow of ideas within your paragraphs. Not all argumentation was completely logical and coherent.
task achievement
You have answered the prompt fully, presenting clear and comprehensive ideas. However, you could benefit from including more specific examples to support your points.
lexical resource
Your lexical resource is good, with a range of vocabulary used. However, there can be some improvements in your choice of words to enhance precision and clarity.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is adequate and sentences are generally error-free. To improve, you could show more complex sentence structures and use a wider array of grammatical structures

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unethical
  • Unacceptable
  • Deceptive
  • Exaggerated
  • Misleading
  • Manipulation
  • Vulnerable
  • Targeted advertising
  • Perpetuation
  • Societal norms
  • Stereotypes
  • Negative body image
  • Intrusion of privacy
  • Data-driven
  • Over-saturation
  • Desensitization
  • Annoyance
  • Greenwashing
  • Eco-conscious
What to do next:
Look at other essays: