IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific world, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #world #business
Since the beginning of the twentieth century,
mankind
have been conducting
Suggestion
has been conducting
has conducted
researches
Suggestion
research
 and discovering new
information
of
Suggestion
about
 the modern
world
 in the aspects of science, business and the academic
world
. Even though it is widely regarded that
mankind
 should not resist sharing as much
information
 as they can to others in the science, business and the academic
world
, it has
also
be
Suggestion
been
 regarded by others that newly discovered
knowledge
 is too precious to be widely distributed. As far as I am concerned,
knowledge
, being the key to
development
, should be generously shared for the growth of humanity in our ever-developing
world
.
Information
 in terms of
knowledge
 should be freely shared to our global society
for
Suggestion
in
 the
development
 of the modern
world
. Without the sharing and distribution of newly discovered
information
,
mankind
 will lag behind its
development
 as humans should work together in making the
world
 a better place to live in for each other. Through the sharing of
information
, less time, cost and effort will be needed to tackle any global issues that surfaces
such
 as an epidemic, issues in food technology and modern transportation.
For example
, history
has showed
Suggestion
has shown
mankind
 that the discovery of vaccines
could only managed
Suggestion
could only manage
 to cease the outbreak of the bubonic plague that threatened the lives of billions of people after the
knowledge
 on the derivation of vaccines were shared across the
world
.
In other words
, people should not withhold sharing new
information
 as people depend on each other to advance and thrive.
On the contrary
, if
information
 falls in the wrong hands, it may be exploited by people to commit the most terrible crimes.
This
 is due to the fact that acquiring
knowledge
 can allow humans to help each
other but
Accept comma addition
other, but
also
 to destroy each other through reaping benefits at the expense of another. The incidence of warfare across history has shown that the widespread
information
 on the
development
 of firearms has cost the lives of many as stronger nations conquer the weaker nations to take control of their economy and exploiting their resources. Apart from that, the
knowledge
on
Suggestion
of
 computer
hackings
one who works hard at boring tasks
hacking
 has
allow
Suggestion
allowed
 cyber criminals to
pry
profit from in an exploitatory manner
prey
 on the lives of many famous people and
consequently
 destroying their reputation by leaking their private and confidential details to the public. To sum up my point,
information
 can be wrongly used to destroy the lives of others. In a nutshell,
information
 can be shared without restrictions as
knowledge
 is the key for
mankind
 to
prosper
Suggestion
prosperity
; yet it can be detrimental when it is abused by the wrong hands. I am more inclined to believe that distributing
information
 should not be controlled as the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by geohshan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: