IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Most career choices demand vocational skills or specialist knowledge. However, despite this, most schools still teach academic subjects such as history or social studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this?

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Although
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 most
job
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 descriptions require vocational
skills
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 or specialized
knowledge
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, there is a paradox that academic
subjects
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such
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 as history and social studies get more attention compared to practical career experience.
This
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 essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 phenomenon. On the one hand,
this
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 attention brings about some good points. The most significant benefit of teaching academic
subjects
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 is improving critical thinking and analytical
skills
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. Researching the nature of a problem or the complex social context of a historical period can help
students
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 strengthen
the
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their
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skills
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of
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in
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 analyzing phenomena
with
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from
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 many different perspectives.
This
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 could apply to solving realistic problems at work.
Moreover
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, a well-rounded education can provide a solid foundation for
further
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 specialized studies.
For instance
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, logistics employees need to understand the fundamental geographical location of countries and regions,
knowledge
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 that has been cultivated for many years through geography.
However
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, ignoring professional
knowledge
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, which is truly essential for applying for a
job
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, leads to many drawbacks.
Firstly
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, the emphasis
of
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on
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 academic
subjects
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 at school can overlook the immediate needs of the
job
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 market. After graduating,
students
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 are ill-prepared in terms of vocational
skills
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 and find it difficult to apply the theoretical
knowledge
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 they have learned into practice.
This
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 causes confusion, uncertainty and even unemployment among
students
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.
Secondly
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, most schools now implement
the
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a
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 curriculum that includes many compulsory
subjects
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 in almost all fields, ranging from natural science to social studies, which may be hard for all
students
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 to study, especially those that have an inclination towards
hand-ons
Correct your spelling
hands-on
 work or physical activities. In conclusion,
while
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 academic
subjects
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 help
students
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 practice analytical thinking and build foundational
knowledge
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, it is advised for schools to shift the attention towards specialist professional
skills
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 to meet the
demand
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demands
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 of the
job
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 market.

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task achievement
The essay covers the main points of the prompt and provides a balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of focusing on academic subjects over vocational skills. To achieve a higher score, include more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments, making the distinction between academic knowledge and vocational skills more concrete.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-structured, the logical flow can be further improved. Consider using more transition words and phrases to clearly signal the shift between different points or sections of the essay. This will enhance the readability and coherence of your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets up the context of the discussion effectively. This helps the reader understand the scope and direction of the essay right from the beginning.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas that are well-organized. The use of examples, such as the relevance of geographical knowledge to logistics, helps to illustrate the points being discussed.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • broad knowledge
  • critical thinking
  • foster
  • well-rounded education
  • cultural awareness
  • empathy
  • global citizenship
  • innovation
  • creativity
  • laying the groundwork
  • directly prepare
  • skills gap
  • workforce
  • practical, hands-on experience
  • vocational training
  • societal bias
  • traditional academic pathways
  • technical education
  • direct relevance
  • motivation
  • engagement
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