IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #health #future
It is said that in the future, the average quality of people's well-being will likely decrease in comparison to now. In my opinion, I completely agree that the standard of people's
health
 will deteriorate in the coming years.
Firstly
, the emission of harmful gases and toxic waste into the environment
has caused
Suggestion
have caused
 a significant
increase
 in environmental pollution.
That is
 to say, due to the
increase
 in factories that emit large quantities of pollutants and the consumption of non-renewable sources of energy, namely- fossil fuels, have contributed to a situation where the air we breathe and
water
Suggestion
the water
 we drink has a higher level of chemicals and pollutants that lower the quality of our
health
. Studies have linked the upward trend of the emission of harmful gases and liquids into the environment and
atmosphere
Suggestion
the atmosphere
 has caused an
increase
 of
health
 problems
such
 as the increased risk of respiratory problems and even the cause of certain types of cancer.
Secondly
, problems surrounding
health
 issues that
has caused
Suggestion
have caused
 an uproar was not only the increased prices of
health
care
, but
also
 the declining quality of the
health
care
 system.
Health
care
 being priced like a luxury has turned people away from getting regular check ups due to how expensive they are which gets people into dangerous and unnecessary situations where preventable illnesses and diseases are going unchecked.
For example
, the
health
care
 system in the United States of America has been a popular topic due to the outrageous
costs which
Accept comma addition
costs, which
 has lead people to ration their insulin, which is life-threatening, or even simply being in denial of their
health
 issues to try to avoid going to the hospital In conclusion, due to the
increase
 in pollution and
health
care
 prices, and the decrease in
health
care
 system, I agree that we will be seeing a dangerous situation where the average person's
health
 will be in a critical stage.
Submitted by thisisyasminee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: