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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to Scotland who visited four different attractions in Edinburg.

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to Scotland who visited four different attractions in Edinburg.
#line #percentage #tourists #scotland #four #attractions #edinburg
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The line graph describes changes in the proportion of
tourists
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 visiting four different attractions
of
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in
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Edinburgh, Scotland (
Aquarium
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,
castle
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,
zoo
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 and festival) within 30 years from 1980 to 2010. In 1980,
Festival
Correct article usage
the Festival
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 of Edinburgh attracted the most
visitors
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 ( 30% of
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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), followed by
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castle
Correct article usage
the castle
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 and
aquarium
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 with 24% and 20% of
visitors
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 respectively. The figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Add an article
the
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zoo
Use synonyms
 was only 10% which was the lowest rate. In 2010, after 3 decades of changes,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of
tourists
Use synonyms
 visiting
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Castle
Correct article usage
the Castle
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 remarkably increased and became the most
attracted
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attractive
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 place for
visitors
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 with over 30% of
tourists
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. Festival witnessed a slight decrease from 30% in 1980 to 27% in 2010.
Proportion
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The proportion
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 of
tourists
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 to
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Add an article
the aquarium
an aquarium
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aquarium
Fix the agreement mistake
aquariums
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in Edinburgh noticeably decreased and dropped to below 10% in 2010. The figure for
visitors
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of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the zoo
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zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
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 fluctuated around 12% in 20 years ( 1980 to 2000) and
then
Linking Words
 went up to 20%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period of time. In general,
proportions
Correct article usage
the proportions
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 of
tourists
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of
Change preposition
in
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 Scotland
visited
Correct pronoun usage
who visited
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Zoo
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
castle
Fix the agreement mistake
castles
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withnessed
Correct your spelling
witnessed
upward trends from 1980 to 2010
while
Linking Words
 the
figiures
Correct your spelling
figures
figure
for
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Correct article usage
the aquarium
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aquarium
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aquariums
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 and
festival
Fix the agreement mistake
festivals
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 went down in the same period of time.
Submitted by Thanh on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words tourists, aquarium, castle, zoo, visitors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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