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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to Scotland who visited four different attractions in Edinburg.

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to Scotland who visited four different attractions in Edinburg.
#line #percentage #tourists #scotland #four #attractions #edinburg
The line graph describes changes in the proportion of
tourists
 visiting four different attractions
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Edinburgh, Scotland (
Aquarium
,
castle
,
zoo
 and festival) within 30 years from 1980 to 2010. In 1980,
Festival
Correct article usage
the Festival
show examples
 of Edinburgh attracted the most
visitors
 ( 30% of
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
), followed by
castle
Correct article usage
the castle
show examples
 and
aquarium
 with 24% and 20% of
visitors
 respectively. The figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Add an article
the
show examples
zoo
 was only 10% which was the lowest rate. In 2010, after 3 decades of changes,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
tourists
 visiting
Castle
Correct article usage
the Castle
show examples
 remarkably increased and became the most
attracted
Replace the word
attractive
show examples
 place for
visitors
 with over 30% of
tourists
. Festival witnessed a slight decrease from 30% in 1980 to 27% in 2010.
Proportion
Add an article
The proportion
show examples
 of
tourists
 to
Add an article
the aquarium
an aquarium
show examples
aquarium
Fix the agreement mistake
aquariums
show examples
in Edinburgh noticeably decreased and dropped to below 10% in 2010. The figure for
visitors
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
the zoo
show examples
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
 fluctuated around 12% in 20 years ( 1980 to 2000) and
then
 went up to 20%
at the end
 of the period of time. In general,
proportions
Correct article usage
the proportions
show examples
 of
tourists
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Scotland
visited
Correct pronoun usage
who visited
show examples
Zoo
 and
castle
Fix the agreement mistake
castles
show examples
withnessed
Correct your spelling
witnessed
upward trends from 1980 to 2010
while
 the
figiures
Correct your spelling
figures
figure
for
Correct article usage
the aquarium
show examples
aquarium
Fix the agreement mistake
aquariums
show examples
 and
festival
Fix the agreement mistake
festivals
show examples
 went down in the same period of time.
Submitted by Thanh on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words tourists, aquarium, castle, zoo, visitors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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