In many countries, people working in sport and entertainment earn much more money than professionals like doctors, nurses, and teachers. Why do you think this happens in some societies? Do you consider it good or bad?

#countries #people #sport #entertainment #money #professionals #doctors #nurses #teachers #societies

It is true that sportsmen and entertainers are generally richer than professional workers

such

as doctors, nurses and teachers.

This

due to

the fact that these celebrities attract a large following and

therefore

can earn money in many ways. I personally believe that

this

wealth gap is justified by their hard work and willingness to deal with public pressure. The main reason why people working in

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

and entertainment are

better-off

Correct your spelling

better off

show examples

is that they are much more popular and

thus

benefit from

this

celebrity status. Apart from their main job, well-known athletes can secure lucrative contracts with sporting brands to endorse their products. Actors or singers may allow fashion companies to use their image in exchange for a huge sum of royalty.

By contrast

, professionals like doctors or teachers provide their services to a limited number of people, and can only get paid

accordingly

. I would argue that celebrities earn great wealth through their efforts to improve themselves and face up to public scrutiny.

Firstly

this

line of work is extremely competitive; would-be entertainers need to have a combination of luck and talent to stand out,

otherwise

Add a comma

otherwise,

show examples

they may end up

worse-off

Correct your spelling

worse off

show examples

than an average worker. Even celebrities can be reduced to has-beens if they do not adjust to the ever-changing demands of the public.

Secondly

, famous people

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

less privacy and are often troubled by fabricated news and sensationalism. These negative aspects can be considered a price to pay for a life under the spotlight. In comparison, a professional can enjoy work and life separately and face much less competition. In conclusion, compared to professional workers,

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

stars and entertainers indulge in a wealthier lifestyle thanks to their greater popularity.

This

is rightly earned through their application and at their own privacy sacrifice.

Submitted by leminhielts on Sat Mar 30 2019

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Extended

Task Response: The response provides a well-developed argument addressing the reasons behind the wealth gap between sports and entertainment professionals and professionals like doctors, nurses, and teachers. The writer presents a clear opinion on whether this gap is justified. The response is detailed and supported by relevant examples.

Extended

Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The main points are well-supported and the essay flows cohesively. However, there could be stronger connections between the supporting points to enhance overall coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

295 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, people working in sport and entertainment earn much more money than professionals like doctors, nurses, and teachers. Why do you think this happens in some societies? Do you consider it good or bad?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people believe that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matter is the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think the newly built houses should be the same as the old house style in local areas. Others argue that local authorities should allow people to build houses in their own styles. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Many people today are choosing to travel to other countries. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or negative development?