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Writing Samples
Band 4

In recent years, people in many countries have been able to afford more material possessions such as electronic kitchen appliances, computers and vehicles. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this increased level of affluence, and give your opinion about whether this is a positive or negative development.

#years #people #countries #possessions #kitchen #appliances #computers #vehicles #level #affluence #development
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Today’s
people
 in the world buy a lot of things
such
 as kitchen equipment, cars or computers to serve for their life.
This
 has resulted in rose
perfectly
Change the word
perfect
show examples
 consumption.
This
 essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks impact on changing to
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
. There are so great many
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 for individual domestics to buy a car or computer.
Firstly
,
people
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 a car can drive to many places they want
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
makes
Verb problem
gives
show examples
 them
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
freedom.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 they can drive to
Correct pronoun usage
their job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means they can obtain many different
job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
show examples
 which not depend on anything.
Secondly
,
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
also
 more important chances to study or find out something we do not know or watch news or films that TV does not have. Especially, we can
connected
Change the verb form
connect
show examples
 communication with other
people
 in the world.
Lastly
, women
always
Add a missing verb
are always
show examples
 busy
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 work or chores
therefore
 they need kitchen devices so that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can help them
cleaning
Wrong verb form
clean
show examples
house
Correct article usage
the house
show examples
 or
cooking
Replace the word
cook
show examples
.
However
, synonymous consumption
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 on more disadvantage. One of the main
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
 is pollution, which
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 from the manufactory. Mode of production cars, computers or other appliances probably leads to use the amount of resource that increasing pollution levels. After
producing
Replace the word
production
show examples
, the proportion of cars supply
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
greenhouse gas
release
Change the verb form
releases
show examples
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
environment
 which makes
people
 ill.
In addition
, technology devices or kitchen equipment
although
 they do not affect the
environment
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
risky
Replace the word
risk
show examples
 explosiveness and take up space in
house
Add an article
the house
show examples
.
To sum up
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
material possessions are necessary for real life but first of
all
Add a comma
all,
show examples
 we should
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
 of concern and protect the
environment
.
Also
 need to balance these advantages between spending and detrimental
environment
.
Submitted by vonhaclinh2014 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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