IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

#people #sites #facebook #impact #individuals #society
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Social networking
sites
,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
show examples
Facebook
, are thought by some to have had a detrimental
effect
 on individual
people
as well as
 society and local
communities
.
However
, in my opinion,
while
 I believe that
such
sites
 are mainly beneficial to the individual, I agree that they have had a damaging
effect
 on local
communities
. With regards to individuals, the impact that online social media has had on each individual person has clear advantages.
Firstly
,
people
 from different countries are brought together through
such
sites
 as
Facebook
whereas
 before the development of technology and social networking
sites
,
people
 rarely had the chance to meet or communicate with anyone outside of their immediate circle or community.
Secondly
,
Facebook
also
 has social groups which offer individuals a chance to meet and participate in discussions with
people
 who share common interests.
On the other hand
, the
effect
 that
Facebook
 and other social networking
sites
 have had on societies and local
communities
 can only be seen as negative. Rather than individual
people
 taking part in their local community, they are
instead
 choosing to take more interest in
people
 online.
Consequently
, the
people
 within local
communities
 are no longer forming close or supportive relationships.
Furthermore
, society as a whole is becoming increasingly disjointed and fragmented as
people
 spend more time online with
people
 they have never met face to face and who they are unlikely to ever meet in the future.
To conclude
,
although
 social networking
sites
 have brought individuals closer together, they have not had the same
effect
 on society or local
communities
. Local
communities
 should do more to try and involve local
people
 in local activities  in order to promote the future of community life.
Submitted by Serhii Baraniuk on

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coherence cohesion
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • face-to-face
  • interactions
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • polarize
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • procrastination
  • productivity
  • social isolation
  • dissemination
  • breeding ground
  • vast amounts
  • personal information
  • mental health
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