IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The news media have become too much influence in people lives today and this is a negative development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#news #media #influence #people #lives #development
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It is undeniable that the media has generated tremendous impacts on every aspect of our modern life without us even realizing that.
However
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, like many other people, I believe that
news media’s benefits
Suggestion
the news media’s benefits
 cannot outnumber its harms for the reasons as follows.
First
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 and foremost, in order to gain profits from
advertisement
Suggestion
the advertisement
advertisements
, the media nowadays often distorts the definition of true beauty and happiness among public audience. In consequence, a large proportion of the population is forced to alter themselves to fit in the
mold
form in clay, wax, etc
mould
 of canned perfection by purchasing and goods and services that they want but actually do not need. That leads to over-consumption at global and national scales and ultimately worsens the waste issues.
Secondly
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, most
contents
Suggestion
content
 presented in mass media
are biased
Suggestion
is biased
 and sometimes can distract the audience from the real world problems.
In other words
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, the media often encourages the pursuit of
luxurious lifestyle
Suggestion
the luxurious lifestyle
 that requires the exploitation and consumption of substantial resources, yet ignoring the fact that these resources can be better utilized for
savinge
an act of economizing; reduction in cost
saving
 and improving e the lives of hundreds of millions of poor people struggling
inn
a unit of length equal to one twelfth of a foot
in
 poverty and hunger across the world.
On the other hand
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, it can be argued that
news media
Suggestion
the news media
plays
Suggestion
play
 the key role in bridging the gaps of races, cultures, and perspectives worldwide.
Moreover
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, the media generates continual innovations through the update of technologies and scientific advances in all corners of the globe. In conclusion, in order to fully leverage the media’s positive potentials, it is highly essential for regulations to be developed to better monitor and address the misuse of news media. It is
also
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 important that the government should enhance the public’s capacity to become
wiser
having great (or a certain) extent from one side to the other
wider
 audience by selecting trusted sources of information and evaluating the gained information in an objective manner.
Submitted by maitramy0212 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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