IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centers. It is feared that this trend can bring negative influences on the youths and the society.

#amount #leisure #time #centers #trend #influences #youths #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I agree with the premise. The explosion of the middle class resulted in a requirement for avenues where they can spend their hard earned money usually for relaxation purposes. Shopping
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centres
Centers
 are one
such
 avenue that
provide
Suggestion
provides
 them with options to pursue latest trends, entertain themselves and utilise their leisure
time
. But
should the
Suggestion
should the time spend
should the time spent
time
 spent be
regualted
controlled or governed according to rule or principle or law
regulated
refuted
relegated
? Yes, the amount of
time
 todays youth spends in the shopping centre is negatively affecting them
.
Accept space
.
 The mindless spending on
unnessary
not necessary
unnecessary
 items in order to be fashionable and in sync with the latest trends means that our youth is forgetting the value of money, and is increasingly becoming unaware of the difficulties the previous generation has faced due to the lack of hard cash. Today it has become a habit of our youths to not give any importance to understanding whether the products that they buy are worth the prices they are paying for it and whether they truly require the product that they purchase. They
dont
do not
don't
 understand the diamond-water paradox. Our youths today have forgotten the value of
time
. Mindlessly spending a large chunk of their
time
 window shopping or pursuing other
actvities
any specific behavior
activities
 in the shopping
center
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
 when it is not
an
Suggestion
a
 requirement, our youths are not utilising their
time
 to improve their
personalites
the complex of all the attributes--behavioral, temperamental, emotional and mental--that characterize a unique individual
personalities
 and their skills. Resulting in our youths being sheep, devoid of any personalities or transferable skills that can help them secure a comfortable future. Their leisure
time
 would be well spent reading
,
Accept space
,
painiting
graphic art consisting of an artistic composition made by applying paints to a surface
painting
 or engaging in sports activities. These
expereinces
the accumulation of knowledge or skill that results from direct participation in events or activities
experiences
 will stay with them
liftime
the period during which something is functional (as between birth and death)
lifetime
lifetimes
lifting
 rather than the products that
the
people in general
they
 buy from the store that will not
last
 them more than a year.
Submitted by myemail.rohan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: