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Band 6.5

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both school and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#children #lifestyle #school #parents
Nowadays, many children stand a good chance of staying healthy due to significant advances in technology and healthcare.
However
, as living standard increases, children are more likely to ruin their health by spending long hours in front of computers, not taking exercise and eating an unbalanced diet. I believe both families and schools take particular responsibilities and they can do a lot to remedy
this
 situation. Being a role model, parents can make impressive impacts on their children. Especially in
formative years
Suggestion
the formative years
 when they are not aware of their attitudes and behaviours, they may imitate the adults and fall into
bad habit
Suggestion
bad habits
the bad habit
as a result
.
Therefore
, parents should be careful with their manner and have an appropriate parenting approach.
For example
, they should limit the time that children spend sitting down and should play sports with them
at
Suggestion
on
 the weekends. They
also
 should provide them with a range of foods which include plenty of vegetables and only
small amount
Suggestion
a small amount
 of fat. If children are brought up on a healthy diet and encouraged to take more exercises, they will grow into healthy adults.
On the other hand
, teachers
also
 play a vital role in helping their students acquire good lifestyles. It is excessive volumes of tasks that children don’t even have a break for extra-curricular activities. To make change, schools should include regular exercise in their timetables, with activities
such
 as physical education and compulsory sports.
Further
, schools should promote programmes about healthy eating or should give courses to parents on how to bring up their children, In conclusion, there are plenty ways of educating young children about healthy lifestyle and the responsibility lies with the people who are in regular contact with them,
in other words
 their parents and their teachers.
Submitted by Thanh on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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