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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some Think That The Government Should Allow Women To Join The Armed Forces

#think #government #women #forces
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Women have been playing a vital role in civilization and development of the country
.
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.
 Women are working in every field and they have proved that they can do different tasks as well as men.
Therefore
, some people think that women should be allowed to
work
 in different fields in the armed forces
such
 as navy and air force. To commence with, women have the ability to
work
 in every field of life.Those days are gone when women were considered to be weak member of society. Now women are working in all kinds of sectors
such
 as blue and white collar jobs
,
Accept space
,
sports
,
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,
aviation and even in police departments. By working in
police departments they
Suggestion
police departments, they
 have proven that they can take riskier types of jobs and can perform their task brilliantly.
Hence
, allowing females to
work
 in defence sector can improve the sense of equality and unity among both genders and can improve the working environment.
Therefore
, many people emphasis that they should be allowed to
work
 in the army.
In addition
, giving opportunities to female can uplift their self-esteem and respect in the society.
On the other hand
, many people have conflicting views. Women are generally
less stronger
Suggestion
less strong
 than men and are more
sensitive
Accept comma addition
sensitive, therefore
therefore
, working in the army department will not be a piece of cake for them.
Furthermore
, women have to give
births
Suggestion
birth
 to children and to nurture them. For that they need maternity leaves which cannot be possible during the days of war.
Also
, jobs in the army
requires
Suggestion
require
 making brave decisions
such
 as taking someone’s life which is not possible for women because they have emotional nature. Women can join the supportive and transportation department of the country if they want to serve for the country and protect their nation
.
Accept space
.
 These jobs are as essential as fighting in the battleground. To recapitulate, I believe that women and men are
equal but
Accept comma addition
equal, but
 they should perform tasks that suits their nature. At the same time, women should be given chance to prove themselves and show their worth.
Submitted by princestyle47 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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