Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
Children
are the backbone of every country.So, there are people
who tend to believe that youngsters should be encouraged to initiate social work as it will results
in Change the verb form
result
flourished
society and individualistic growth of youngsters themselves. I, too believe that Correct article usage
a flourished
this
motivation has more benefits than its drawbacks.
To begin
with, social work by children
can be easily associated with personality development because during
Add the comma(s)
,during
this
drive, they tend to communicate with variety
of Add an article
a variety
people
, leads
to polished verbal skills. Correct pronoun usage
which leads
For example
, if they start convincing rural people
to send their children
in
school they have to Change preposition
to
be
Verb problem
have
such
a convincing attitude along with
developed verbal skills to deal with diverse kind
of Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
people
there. This
improved skill will help them lifelong in every arena. Apart from
this
, the true values of life like tolerance,patience,team spirit,cooperation
can be learnt. Correct word choice
and cooperation
Besides
that, young mind
serve the country with full enthusiasm Fix the agreement mistake
minds
that
gives them Correct pronoun usage
which
feeling
of Add an article
a feeling
the feeling
fulfillment
and Change the spelling
fulfilment
self satisfaction
. Add a hyphen
self-satisfaction
This
worthiness for themselves brim
them with Change the verb form
brims
self confidence
and patriotic feeling.Add a hyphen
self-confidence
Moreover
,going and experiencing multiple culture
and Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
tradition
make their horizon so broad that add one more feather Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
in
their cap.
Change preposition
to
However
, It is truly said, no rose without thrones. Can the drawbacks of this
initiation be ignored? Children
go to school, participate indifferent
curriculum activities, Correct your spelling
in different
endure
the pressure of peers, parents, and teachers and in Correct word choice
and endure
competitive
world they should not be expected to serve society without their self benefits. Correct article usage
a competitive
This
kind of pressure might bring resentment in their mind.
In conclusion
I believe, Add a comma
,conclusion
notion
of Add an article
the notion
teenager
doing unpaid work is indeed good but proper monitoring and care should be given to avoid untoward consequences.Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
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task achievement
Ensure that your essay responses hit each part of the task's criteria. For example, in this task you were asked to what extent you agree or disagree with the statement. While you mention agreement, you do not make your position fully clear.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to better support your arguments. For example, in this essay, you could have provided specific instances or statistics that show how community work has benefited teenagers or the society.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, but try to connect your ideas more fluidly. This helps your readers follow your thoughts more efficiently, improving your score in coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, though you could improve by clearly stating your opinion in the introduction and reinforcing your argument in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes several main points each supported by explanations, but some points could have been expressed more clearly. Make sure each main argument is developed in such a way that makes it easy for your reader to understand.