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Writing Samples
Band 4

With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that nonacademic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

#pressures #today’s #people #nonacademic #subjects #school #eg #education #cookery #syllabus #children
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Few people believe that,
success
Suggestion
the success
 of the students in academics lies in
removal
Suggestion
the removal
 of all non-academic related subjects like physical education from the syllabus. I strongly disagree with that point, because a student can be successful in life only when he is trained in all aspects not just in academics. While is success in academics is an important aspect, doing well in non-academics related subjects
is
Suggestion
are
 equally valuable for any student or younger
generation
Use synonyms
. Let us consider non-academic subject like physical education as an example, for youth it is probably the most important outdoor activity that they could undertake. For the mind to be active and to function at the desired level, physical activity plays a key role, it generates the positive vibes and it induces the self confidence
in to
Suggestion
in
into
 the mind.
Success
Suggestion
The success
 of students or younger
generation
Use synonyms
 doesn’t always lie in academics, many of them might see their career in other means. So, forcing them to succeed only in academics doesn’t yield any positive results in the long run. My academic life is a perfect example
on
Suggestion
of
 how the syllabus shouldn’t be like. The educational institution where I have studied had put all their efforts in pushing younger
generation
Use synonyms
 to be successful in academics, they gave the least importance on extracurricular activities.
As a result
Linking Words
, I couldn’t choose my career in my
favorite
something regarded with special favor or liking
favourite
 sport ‘cricket’. To conclude, I disagree with the people who say that non-academic subjects should be removed from the curriculum. Whether is physical activity or cookery classes, they should have equal importance with the academics,
this
Linking Words
 in turn reduces stress on
younger
Suggestion
the younger generation
generation
Use synonyms
,
as a result
Linking Words
, they might do well in all other aspects of life.
Submitted by challa.vj on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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