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Band 5.5

TOPIC : Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why it happened? Solutions?

#topic #offenders #crimes #first #punishment
It is identified that lots of ex-prisoners carry on breaking laws after going to a jail the
first
 time. There are several reasons can be put forward to explain
this
phenomenal
Suggestion
phenomenon
phenomena
, and many solutions should be proposed to constrain
this issues
Suggestion
this issue
these issues
. There are two primary reasons why ex-convicts would commit again after being imprisoned. One reason is that it is started by poverty and unemployment after serving the punishment because many employees take them into consideration that it’s so hard to let them start
working perhaps
Accept comma addition
working, perhaps
such
 people are afraid that these prisoners may go back the previous road and turn to crime.
Besides
, a lot of people still have
misconception
Suggestion
misconceptions
a misconception
 about them so they are able to be isolated out of the society. They will not have the chance of integrating with other people so they don’t have the capability to find a job which causes they can’t afford the basic necessities of life. Another reason is that they prone to stimulate offending more times by bad individuals who drag them to continue making
mistake
Suggestion
mistakes
.
However
, measures must be taken by government and everyone to change
this
 problem.
First
, government increase the opportunity to transcend barriers to public and live in harmony with everyone
such
 as authority figures can take them to school or college to talk to
individuals especially
Accept comma addition
individuals, especially
 teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime and what the life in prison going on?, in order to decrease the amount of criminals.
Therefore
, it can dispel the misconceptions about them.
Secondly
, the lawbreakers must have self-conscious to avoiding committing again and obeying the bad instigation. In conclusion, there are many prisoners continue committing after being imprisoned is a serious concern of
everyone but
Accept comma addition
everyone, but
 if we work together, we can address
this
 problem better.
Submitted by nhantran23122003 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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