IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women
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It is thought by some that women are less competitive than men. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as it is related to significantly higher levels of testosterone that men have and as they still are supposed in many places throughout the world to be the ones who have to take care of their families.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one of the aspects that differs females from males are hormones and their effects on individual characters and behaviour. Testosterone is being released into
male bloodstream
Suggestion
the male bloodstream
in
Suggestion
on
 average five times more than we can find in
female’s blood
Suggestion
the female’s blood
. As testosterone is known to be responsible for common features
such
Linking Words
 as muscle building, sexual libido, but even the level of aggressiveness and competitiveness,
this
Linking Words
 is to say that men are determined by nature to be more competitive than women. The other fact is that we live in the age when patriarchy still predominates.
Undoubtedly there
Accept comma addition
Undoubtedly, there
 is a connection between the responsibilities men have and how they behave and deal with tasks,
for example
Linking Words
, at work. It can be said that they often have to compete for better working and social positions as their families rely on them significantly.
However
Linking Words
, there is an increasing amount of women who seek to throw a balance between males and females. Professions that used to be
thought
that is looked for
sought
 only for men are becoming available for women as well.
Similarly
Linking Words
, as women’s emancipation has been increasing considerably, we can see nowadays more women in high positions
such
Linking Words
 as directors, politicians and even female presidents.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is clear that females are becoming more competitive than ever before as they have built the conditions to work on their careers and to show and compare their abilities with men. To conclude, I still believe that the majority of men are more competitive than the majority of women,
however
Linking Words
, the difference between genders is equalizing constantly due to the opportunities that have been able to provide for themselves.
Submitted by marketa.baldrianova on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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