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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, the average weight of children is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What are the causes of these problems? What measures could be taken to solve them?

#countries #weight #children #level #health #fitness #measures
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It has been observed that in some countries children are becoming obese and because of
this
 their health and fitness levels are dropping.
This
 essay will discuss the main factors contributing to
this
 and
then
 suggest few remedies to counter these issues. The main problem is the increase in binge television
that is
 available now, Netflix and other online video streaming websites hook the population up to the screens, because of
this
 the young population becomes couch potatoes and the will prefer these internet programs over going out and taking up any sports. The physical activity is very minimal which makes teenagers obese. The other factor due to which younger generation
are not fit
Suggestion
is not fitting
doesn't fit
does not fit
don't fit
 is the diet. In
this
 fast paced environment the fast
food
 has become a phenomenon
such
 are burgers, fries and fizzy drinks and intake of these unhealthy
food
Suggestion
foods
 has been increased to an unbelievable level. These meals don’t nourish your body properly and
moreover
 contain ingredients which are fattening in their nature. There are few solutions to tackle these problems.
First
 and for most the younger generation needs to go out and play with their friends. To achieve
this
 the
screen
time
 has to be controlled, let’s say
to
Suggestion
for
in
 an hour a day, there are certain apps that
tracks
Suggestion
track
 your
screen
time
 to help you to control the
screen
time
. Lack of
screen
time
 means that to entertain
themselves
of them or themselves
their
 children will go out the house and play with
neighbors
a person who lives (or is located) near another
neighbours
 and their friends,
this
 will help them to become fitter.
Secondly
, the diet needs to more healthy and moving away from oily processed
food
 to
more eating up
Suggestion
eating up more
 fresh produce. To achieve
this
 we need to explain to children the health benefits of eating healthy and the disastrous effects and how unhealthy processed diets can be to your physical and mental health. In conclusion, the main problem of children being overweight is
increase
Suggestion
increasing
 in
screen
time
 due to internet television and increase intake of unhealthy fast
food
,
however
this
 can be tackled by controlling the
screen
time
 of your children and encouraging them to take up a sport.
Submitted by mbilalzm on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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