IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children should be given lessons on how to manage money in the school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #lessons #money #school
There is no doubt that
money
 management is one of the most important skill.
however
Suggestion
However
, while some people feel that it should not be taught to school children, I would agree with those who argue that schools are the perfect stage, where it can be introduced to children.
To begin
 with, nowadays, school children are overwhelmed with lots of academic subjects. In fact, they require after school tuition to cover left out
syllabus
Suggestion
the syllabus
. In
this
 scenario, adding new
subject
on
Suggestion
to
 finance may put more burden on them.
Moreover
, traits of
money
 matter are hard to grasp for school-goer.
As a result
, due to lack of time and difficulty in learning, they may get depressed. In contrary, if children took
this
subject
 beyond it means, they may
inclined
Suggestion
incline
 towards
money matter
Accept comma addition
money, matter
, and there are chances of distraction from their
ongoind
currently happening
ongoing
 study.
However
, it is vital to
consider that matters
Suggestion
consider matters that
 related to finance are extremely useful in adult life.
This
 skill takes time to learn, whereas child’s mind is like fertile land, whatever taught
in
Suggestion
at
 that age is
get
Suggestion
getting
absorb
Suggestion
absorbed
 quickly.
Additionally
,
this
Suggestion
This
 learning motivates them to become more responsible by realizing
vaule
Suggestion
the value
value
 of
money
 and why they should spend it wisely. On the other end, the negative impact of
this
subject
can be diminish
Suggestion
can diminish
 by
keep
Suggestion
keeping
 pupils under observation
and
Suggestion
And
 introducing
money
 management as non-compulsory informative tutorial on which children would not be ranked. In conclusion,
although
 there are some drawbacks of teaching
such
 a crucial monetary skill
in
Suggestion
at
younger age
Suggestion
a younger age
, I feel that by keeping
constant eye
Suggestion
a constant eye
 on children and making
subject
 non-mandatory, just an
informative
Suggestion
informant
informer
, the pros may outweigh the cons.
Submitted by singh.ashay.h on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: