There are severe social consequences to housing shortages in cities and only the government can solve these problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Urban
areas
have witnessed a population burst in recent years.
This
increased number has made the
city
housing
areas
insufficient to fulfil the public demand and caused different types of social consequences. Some
people
believe that the
government
is the only hope to solve
this
puzzle and I strongly agree with
this
notion. To support my point of view, I firmly believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
uncontrolled and imbalanced urbanization has brought
this
dilemma upon us.
Also
, the lack of planning and
conciousness
Correct your spelling
consciousness
from the planners has made the situation even
worst
Correct word choice
worse
show examples
.
As a result
,
people
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the below-income range are finding it hard to manage
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proper housing. So, it is definitely the
government
,
supreme
Correct article usage
the supreme
show examples
authority who has the
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
to churn out the solutions.
For example
, if the urban planning unit of the
government
shows their creativity and initiates the plans to build a modern, sustainable and effective urban
city
area, the problem will be solved in no time.
Explaining another
Verb problem
Another
show examples
supporting point to
proof
Replace the word
prove
show examples
my view,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the fact that the poor and homeless
people
choose
areas
like a footpath or the sideways of a highway to dwell
as
Change preposition
in as
show examples
they find no other alternatives.
As a result
, there is a chance
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the growth of
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
rate of the
city
and
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
in the proportion of socio-economic equilibrium. Again,
government
can play a vital role here. To cite an example, the
government
can build
multi stored
Add a hyphen
multi-stored
show examples
appartments
Correct your spelling
apartments
apartment
in the
goernment-acquired
Correct your spelling
government-acquired
lands so that many slum dwellers and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
homeless
people
can have their own
residence
Fix the agreement mistake
residences
show examples
which will improve not only their lifestyle but
also
the social consequences caused by
housing
Add an article
the housing
show examples
shortage. In conclusion, it is my strong belief that
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
of housing in
city
areas
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
social consequences and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the
government
can easily tackle
this
hassle with proper plans and
managements
Fix the agreement mistake
management
show examples
.
Submitted by jisan.path1506605 on

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task response
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coherence cohesion
Provide more varied cohesive devices to improve coherence and cohesion.
general advice
Check for minor grammar and spelling errors to improve clarity.
task response
The introduction clearly states the writer's position.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph supports a distinct main idea with relevant examples.
task response
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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