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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

New technology have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #children #time
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Although
Linking Words
, adolescent are spending their leisure time around the
technology
Use synonyms
; they are less engaged in physical activities. Owing to
this
Linking Words
children
Suggestion
child
 are becoming more tech
savvy but
Accept comma addition
savvy, but
 lesser
healthy
Suggestion
healthier
.
Accept space
.
 I would elucidate the pros and cons of new
technology
Use synonyms
 in the following paragraph. If youngsters would spend their the maximum time with captivating
technology
Use synonyms
; they would never learn the importance of growing in society, because
juvenile
Suggestion
the juvenile
a juvenile
 is the best stage to learn and gain the wisdom about
life
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of
engagement
Suggestion
engaging
 with family members, children devote too much of their time with television, mobile and play stations.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, youngsters who are not involved in physical activities will lead to
a
Suggestion
an
 unhealthy
life
Use synonyms
; they will become more sensitive towards the natural environment.
For instance
Linking Words
,
government
Suggestion
the government
 has shown some statistics
last
Linking Words
 year in a survey that thirty two percent of youngsters have sensitive skin and nose, which
can not
can not
cannot
 tolerate dust particles.
Although
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
technology
Suggestion
the technology
 has some bad impacts, despite that it has part of benefits, as young adults are learning new techniques related to their studies and general knowledge facts by surfing on
internet
Suggestion
the internet
;
this
Linking Words
 will help them in competitive exams,
for example
Linking Words
, entrance exam of a college, quiz competition or a job related examination. In conclusion, despite modern
technology
Use synonyms
 has some advantages, I believe there are more disadvantages. In future teenagers will lack in social
life
Use synonyms
as a
Linking Words
result they
Accept comma addition
result, they
 would have lesser confidence level in all the stages of
life
Use synonyms
; they are stepping towards
a
Suggestion
an
 unhealthy
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by naresh on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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