New technology have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Although
, adolescent are spending their leisure time around the
technology
; they are less engaged in physical activities. Owing to
this
children
Suggestion
child
are becoming more tech
savvy but
Accept comma addition
savvy, but
lesser
healthy
Suggestion
healthier
.
Accept space
.
I would elucidate the pros and cons of new
technology
in the following paragraph. If youngsters would spend their the maximum time with captivating
technology
; they would never learn the importance of growing in society, because
juvenile
Suggestion
the juvenile
a juvenile
is the best stage to learn and gain the wisdom about
life
.
Moreover
,
instead
of
engagement
Suggestion
engaging
with family members, children devote too much of their time with television, mobile and play stations.
Furthermore
, youngsters who are not involved in physical activities will lead to
a
Suggestion
an
unhealthy
life
; they will become more sensitive towards the natural environment.
For instance
,
government
Suggestion
the government
has shown some statistics
last
year in a survey that thirty two percent of youngsters have sensitive skin and nose, which
can not
can not
cannot
tolerate dust particles.
Although
,
technology
Suggestion
the technology
has some bad impacts, despite that it has part of benefits, as young adults are learning new techniques related to their studies and general knowledge facts by surfing on
internet
Suggestion
the internet
;
this
will help them in competitive exams,
for example
, entrance exam of a college, quiz competition or a job related examination. In conclusion, despite modern
technology
has some advantages, I believe there are more disadvantages. In future teenagers will lack in social
life
as a
result they
Accept comma addition
result, they
would have lesser confidence level in all the stages of
life
; they are stepping towards
a
Suggestion
an
unhealthy
lifeSimultaneously
, it is crucial to supervise the activities of children in order to ensure that they do not misuse the media.
Submitted by naresh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: