The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum

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Owing to the problems which a growing population of overweight people cause for the

health

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care system, some people think that the key to solving these issues is to have more

sport

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and exercise in

schools

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. In my opinion, I completely agree that

this

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is the best way to tackle the issue of deteriorating public

health

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in relation to weight.

Firstly

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, dealing with the issues surrounding obesity and weight problems is best solved by taking a

long term

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long-term

show examples

approach and introducing more

sport

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and exercise in

schools

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This

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method will ensure that the next generation will be healthier and will not have

such

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health

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problems. At the moment, the average child in the West does

sport

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possibly twice a week, which is not enough to counteract their

otherwise

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sedentary lifestyle.

However

Linking Words

, by incorporating more sports classes into the curriculum

as well as

Linking Words

encouraging extracurricular sports activities, they will undoubtedly become fitter and more active. Another point to consider is that having more sports lessons for

children

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schools

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will probably result in

children

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developing an interest in exercise which might filter through to other members of their family and have a

longer lasting

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longer-lasting

show examples

effect.

In other words

Linking Words

, parents with sporty

children

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are more likely to get involved in

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sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

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as a way of encouraging their

children

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. By both parents and

children

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being involved, it will ensure that

children

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grow up to incorporate

sport

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into their daily lives.

This

Linking Words

is certainly a natural and lasting way to improve public

health

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. In conclusion, to deal with an increasing population of unfit, overweight people, changing the lifestyle of the coming generation by introducing

sport

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schools

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is the easiest and most effective method to use.

Submitted by nithyadps on Sat Apr 20 2019

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Task Response

I commend the clarity and depth of your discussion — your points are logically sequenced. Yet, the task requires you to reflect your personal standpoint sustainability. Even though you have covered all the key points in your argument, you need to be a bit more assertive in your conclusion to demonstrate that you fully committed to the opinion.

Coherence and Cohesion

I applaud your level of coherence and cohesion — You effectively used a variety of cohesive features and discourse markers. Your paragraphs' ideas are arranged logically with clear progress and coherence between them.

Lexical Resource

Your lexical resource is noteworthy — the range of vocabulary used in the essay demonstrates your grasp of lexical resource. However, there are still areas of improvement. Try to avoid repetition of certain words or phrases.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

Your essay is grammatically well-structured. It appears that you are comfortable with complex sentences which is remarkable. Yet, you could use punctuation a bit more effectively to enhance readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

282 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity rates
health care system
physical education
instill
long term
raise awareness
healthier lifestyle choices
nutritional education
active transport
quality of instruction
facilities and equipment
diet control initiatives
community sports programs

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Fully explain your ideas

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standard on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

Tobacco should be treated as illegal like other drugs. Smoking has not a single positive issue but lots of negative effects and therefore, it should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement.

Some people like to own the place where they live, but other people like to rent where they live. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people feel that media coverage has become increasingly biased today. Why is this? What can be done to fix this problem?

Nowadays many young people are drawn towards dangerous sports. What makes them so attractive? What measures should be taken to regulate such sports and minimise the risks?