Violence in society increases when more violence is shown on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#violence #society #increases #television

Back in the days, the word violence seems like a taboo word to people,

however

, nowadays, people appear to be indifferent about the

crime

that has been circulating around the society. Recent studies showed that individuals who

constantly watches

Suggestion

constantly watch

violent movies and news about

crime

shown in the television has more

crime

records than those who doesn't. I am strongly

agreed

Suggestion

agree

that violent shows that appeared in television is the prominent cause of violence in the country. Beginning of the World War days, the

mankind’s'

all of the living human inhabitants of the earth

mankind

opinion on entertainment changed drastically. They thought that

suffering

Suggestion

the suffering

and

impact

Suggestion

the impact

of the war should be known by all over the world in order to give awareness to society

Suggestion

about

the hardships that people face during war.

Nevertheless

, some people think it

otherwise

. Shockingly, they think that it is some sort of entertainment where people can relieve stress. What makes it even worse, the young ones idolised TV personality in those brutal shows

such

as WEE and Smackdown where people are paid to hit each other.

Therefore

young

Suggestion

younger

generation begins to follow their footsteps by terrorizing the public as it is a cool trend for them.

Moreover

, some assume that taking revenge and murdering people will make them famous. There were many proofs that psychopathic murderers kill or

threat

something considered choice to eat

treat

people so that they can appear

Suggestion

television screen. Ironically, seeing themselves appear in the screen makes them feel important. It doesn't matter to them whether people hate them or not, if the media giving attention to them.

This

may lead others to follow these criminals' footsteps to grab attention media's

attention making

Accept comma addition

attention, making

them a 'star'. In conclusion,

media

Suggestion

the media

portrays violence to get fame and popularity has

leads

Suggestion

led

lead

to more crimes in the society. The media industry should stop publicising these types of shows to curb the

crime

happening in the country.

Submitted by shaktypreya on Sun Apr 21 2019

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Sentence 3 - Thesis
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Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

306 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

media influence
desensitization
mimic
impressionable
copycat phenomenon
aggression
correlational
causal link
violent crime rates
educational role
glorification
cultural norms
social factors
community norms
regulatory measures
broadcasting restrictions
content rating systems

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Violence in society increases when more violence is shown on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

People these days watch TV, films and other programmes alone rather than with other people. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

Some people say the feeling of competition should be encouraged in children while others say they should be taught to become cooperative. What is your opinion?