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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Individuals should provide for themselves when they retire, government should take care of its people. Describe both view then your opinion

#individuals #government #care #people
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Recently, the government has stated that civil servants aged 60 years and above are allowed to retire.
Majority
Suggestion
The majority
 of the people mentioned that the government should provide the necessary needs for the retiree to live comfortably at old
age whereas
Accept comma addition
age, whereas
 others claimed that it is a burden for the government, and they should able to take care of their essential needs. In
this
Linking Words
 essay both of the views will be discussed. For
few decades
Suggestion
a few decades
, research shows that there will be a higher number of older
generation
Suggestion
generations
 than the young in the future thanks to the medical enhancement.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there is a conceal doubt in people’s mind as taxpayers need to pay money for the well beings of the growing number of elderlies. The retiree needs to support their living expense and it may not be
such
Linking Words
 a bad idea. They are still able to contribute their knowledge and skills to the society and lessen the grief of the taxpayers.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, they will feel younger again as it stimulates their mind preventing them from becoming senile.
For instance
Linking Words
, Dr. Mahathir Mohammad held the position as the Prime Minister of Malaysia despite of being 93 years old and being youthful as a young adult.
However
Linking Words
, there are some notion that it is the person’s right for the higher authority to support them as they used to be the main power source to the country’s economy. Giving them incentives and create a university for older people are ways to show their token of appreciation for their hard work.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, healthcare
facilities
Suggestion
facility
 benefits must be given to them as they are prone to illness at that age. In conclusion, in my opinion, it is better for the retiree to make
effort
Suggestion
efforts
an effort
the effort
 for their living and higher authority give the boost they need to make a better living.
Submitted by shaktypreya on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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