People living in the 21st century have a better life quality than people who lived in previous times. to whta extent do you agree or disagree?
Some believe that individuals who live in the current century have a great chance to live a better life as compared with
people
who lived in past centuries. I totally agree with that because we live in a world
that is full of facilities which make life easier than it was before and there are several human rights that protect kids and women.
The present world
contains too many amenities that can reduce the complexity of life. In the past, people
spent ages travelling from one place to another, because many inventions had not been introduced at that time, and that forced them to stay in the same position for their entire lives. Children died from simple preventable diseases because their parents were not able to transfer them to other places where the treatment was available. With the great innovation of transportation routes and methods such
as trains, airplanes
, and cars, all these problems have been solved. Change the spelling
aeroplanes
For example
, in Iraq's countrysides
, many children died from preventable diseases like TB because their fathers could not take them to the primary health centres.
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
In addition
, people
now have human rights that were not properly implemented in past centuries. In other words
, women are now able to vote in elections and express their opinions without any objections. That was not available in the past. Women were under men's roles and they even did not have the chance to choose the food they wanted. For instance
, back in 800 years ago in the Arabic peninsula, fathers were killing their newborn daughters because they thought that girls are
a sign of shame and that sign should be buried forever.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
were
people
who are living now are living in a better world
as compared with our ancestors
Change to a genitive case
ancestor's
ancestors'
world
because they did not have the facilities and human protection roles that we are enjoying now.Submitted by
on
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task achievement
While your main points are clear and relevant, try to further develop them with additional examples or explanations. This will make your argument more compelling and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with grammar and spelling errors. Minor issues like 'roles' instead of 'rules', 'countrysides' instead of 'countryside', and some awkward phrasing can detract from your overall coherence. Consider proofreading or using grammar-check tools.
task achievement
You've chosen strong and relevant examples that effectively support your main arguments, such as the use of transportation innovations and the progress in human rights.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, both of which are essential for maintaining structure.
coherence cohesion
Each of your body paragraphs contains a main idea that is followed by supporting details, which enhances the logical flow of your essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite