IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?

#computers #business #crime #detection #planes #future #dependence
Today computers
Accept comma addition
Today, computers
 are used almost everywhere, it is impossible to imagine our life without PCs, Internet, mobile phones and other
computer
 devices. It is reasonable to think that people look forward to the future of computers. In what field will be computers used for and what role will human has in
this
 world in future?
Besides
, computers make our life easier, we can easily get information about any product we plan to buy or place we plan to visit in a
second
 using a personal
computer
 and Internet. Scientists predict that in the nearest
future it
Accept comma addition
future, it
 will be possible to smell a new perfume using the Internet and watch 3D scenes at home like we do in the movie
theater
a building where theatrical performances or motion-picture shows can be presented
theatre
. According to forecasts of HR agencies machines will replace
jobs
Suggestion
the jobs
 of
cashiers
Suggestion
the cashiers
, and civil and military pilots. Some corporations in Japan are already selling
housewife
Suggestion
Housewife
-robots, which help old people to keep their homes clean. Despite the fact that computers help us, they make us dependent. Apparently, people spend more time behind
monitors
Suggestion
the monitors
 than ever before. And some of them feel a need for more time to be spent with people in live contact.
In addition
, a breakdown of one of the important modules of a specific
computer
 can entail serious consequences. Suffice to mention the
computer
 problem that occurred
in
Suggestion
at
 the end of 1990s, a problem related to the coming year 2000 (Y2K) and
catastrophes
Suggestion
the catastrophes
 that were predicted. Fortunately imminent disasters did not happen.
However
, it is difficult to imagine what could be if all the predictions came true. We live in a technological era, computers penetrated everywhere with all benefits they provide and all dangers they hide.
However we
Accept comma addition
However, we
 are satisfied with them and sometimes we even thank them because they help us in communicating, studying, doing business, entertaining and saving lives in critical situations.
Submitted by avengerz.studygroup on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: