Modern medicine helps to live a longer life. Do you agree?

#medicine #life

The modern

medicine

is very important for living a long

life

. It

is depend

Suggestion

has depended

depends

on new technology. People take very easy and quickly.

Also modern

Accept comma addition

Also, modern

medicine

is very quick absorbing to

human body

Suggestion

the human body

. It

is helps

Suggestion

helps

has helped

to back to normal for people health condition.

Therefore I

Accept comma addition

Therefore, I

agree that the modern

medicine

is helps

Suggestion

helps

has helped

is helping

to live longer.

First

of all, the modern

medicine

can prevent incurable diseases. Doctors can find some diseases very early.

Then

doctors can give suitable medicines to patients. New modern equipments

are helps

Suggestion

are helping

are helped

help

doctors is going to correct way.

Also

intelligent people in the world live a long

life

on helps from modern

medicine

That is

very important in the human society because their creative things are coming with them and they can help others for a

longer

Suggestion

long

time when they are living in long

life

with comfortably.

Beside

Suggestion

Besides

old population

Suggestion

the old population

is increasing in the country. It is badly

effect

Suggestion

effected

country’s economy

Suggestion

the country’s economy

and especially for

third

world countries. But old people are very important in human society because their experience definitely helps to

living

Suggestion

be living

have lived

safely and planning to

new project

Suggestion

new projects

the new project

. ‘Experience is better than qualifications’

However

old

Suggestion

older

people are living a long

life

; it is helping others to live a long

life

because we can get advice from them and they are covering our culture and society.

Moreover

, modern

medicine

is being addictive for some people, so that they cannot live without

medicine

. They should take

medicine

all their lives.

Also modern

Accept comma addition

Also, modern

medicine

is very expensive.

Therefore most

Accept comma addition

Therefore, most

of poor countries

couldn

requests polite permission

could

Suggestion

take modern

medicine

and it has taken a commercial shape,

also

it is depending on money. In the modern

medicine

have not facts of human kindness. People who have money can take modern

medicine

. But indigenous

medicine

has

well human friendly shape

Suggestion

a good human friendly shape

good human friendly shape

. It does not depend on money. To summarize; in my personal view, modern

medicine

is helping to live a long

life

with comfortably. Modern technologies are being supported to find

unburnable

incapable of being put up with

unbearable

diseases very early. So doctors can take

correct path

Suggestion

the correct path

immediately.

Therefore

, may I not hesitate to agree with the above mentioned statement.

Submitted by avengerz.studygroup on Fri Apr 26 2019

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

351 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Modern medicine helps to live a longer life. Do you agree?

Fully explain your ideas

Nowadays we are producing more and more rubbish. Why do you think this is happening? What can the government do to reduce the amount of waste produced?

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others thank that there more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, child labor has become a major concern. why it is so? What can be done to solve this problem?

More and more newspapers and news channels are using photographs to support their news articles and stories. Some people think that photographs are not a reliable source of news while others consider photographs to be irrefutable. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

The chart below shows the number of jobs in tourism related industries in one UK city between 1989 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.