The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011
The graph shows the dynamics of
enquiries
by the Tourist
Information
office between
January
and
June
2011.
Enquiries
through telephone and in person were increasing between
January
and
June
2011,
while
enquiries
received through letter or email was declining.
Moreover
, the questions received by
Tourist
Correct article usage
the Tourist
show examples
Information
office through personal talks increased in each
month
of the period. The Tourists mostly asked the office
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
telephone in
January
2002, with more than 800
occasions
happened
Wrong verb form
happening
show examples
in that
month
,
although
experienced a slight decline in the following
month
to 800
occasions
in February. In March, there was a noticeable increase
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
200
occasions
. The trend remained flat between March and April though a steep rise occurred in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
May and still increased by 200
occasions
at the end
of
June
.
This
figure was higher than its counterpart in
January
. Tourists enquired
information
Change preposition
about information
show examples
through personal talks
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
less happened than the other two in
January
.
Nevertheless
,
in person
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
enquiry was constantly increasing at the rate of 200
occasions
in each
month
between
January
and March. There was a dramatic increase in April, the highest rate of increase among any other
month
between
January
and
June
. In
June
,
in person
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
enquiry was four times higher than in
January
.
Information
Add an article
The information
show examples
asked through letter or email was more than 600
occasions
in
January
but began to decrease in the each
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
following
month
until it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
plateaued in
June
.
Hence
,
by letter
Add a hyphen
by-letter
show examples
enquiries
were
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
in
June
than in
January
.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words enquiries, information, january, june, month, occasions with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enquiries
  • Tourist Information Office
  • in person
  • by letter/email
  • by telephone
  • general trend
  • six-month period
  • significant increase
  • steady rise
  • decline
  • peak
  • fluctuations
  • monthly data
  • comparison
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