IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #entertainers #e #g #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #jobs
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Entertainment has become an important part of our daily life.
However
Linking Words
, many thinkers believe that people in the entertainment industry are given a hefty sum of money, to which I have dissenting views. On one hand, it is quite justified to pay a reasonable amount of money for the sports personals or to film stars for their showcase of talent to entertain the common people. Albeit, they do not posses any mental ability, but they practice day and night to polish these skills in order to amuse people or even to represent the nation at world level,
thus
Linking Words
, making an immense contribution to the society. To illustrate, the cricket team of a country, practice for an extended time, so as to make one’s country proud by winning a world cup.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is important to pay a quality amount of money to these celebrities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some other professionals
such
Linking Words
 as biologists must me highly paid as due to their hard work, the cure to various deadly diseases can be found.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is common that some life risking jobs
such
Linking Words
 as job of firefighters are still underrated and in my opinion need to be sufficiently paid as they save lives of the people.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, others related to the noble line of work like teachers and doctors should be paid in abundance as they contribute crucially to the development and well being of the nation. To conclude, there must be a dignity of
labor
a social class comprising those who do manual labor or work for wages
labour
 and the occupations must not be ranked as high or low as every professional impart their skill and knowledge for the holistic development of a realm.
Submitted by amanjw01 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: